crucial week ahead

This is the week when I am going to know what treatment is next on the list.
On Tuesday have to go for blood tests. They include liver function, although not quite sure why (someone who has been through breast cancer said cos the chemo can affect the liver, or something along that line). Then have to have a scan of the left breast and the left lymph node area.

Then need to wait for the blood test results which are not all immediate so two days later, see The Tango Man oncologist and The Composer surgeon.

If need chemo, then The Tango Man said have to have it the next day ie Friday although he said was sure the scans would be ok (I did not probe what that meant). But he was saying was that he did not think I needed more chemo.

And although The Tango Man said if my MRI scan was negative (for a tumour in the breast), which it was, I might not need surgery he is sending me to a surgeon, the one I have already seen twice and who had previously said "operate!" so would he really change his mind now?

Oy ya yoy.......

On a lighter note there were quite a number of Mexicans at this lunch party today. Did not realise that there was a Mexican community in South Africa although one of them said it was not big. Oh my goodness, with swine flu Mexicans have now become the new Nigerians... although the truth is they probably have not been there for a while but when u are immune compromised due to chemo, your ears prick up when someone talks about their Italian brother-in-law who travels a lot and who is in hospital while they work out what's causing his high temperature.. and you start thinking, how close has this lady been to her brother-in-law and how close have I been sitting to her? Lol... you can drive yourself crazy.

voting day

Voted today. Was a bit of an idiot and should have arranged special voting ahead of time (this is during my post-chemo immune-compromised week) but I didn't and survived. Ok, did not realise when I went to vote at crack of dawn, well, arrived there just before the polling station opened at 7am, that I had mild throat thrush but luckily most of the queing was outside and then when there was a crushed bit in a narrow passage, I wore my scarf over my mouth and nose and then when saw an escape route, waited outside till I could rejoin my place in the queue.Then was damn careful that when they took my hand, first to place a thumbprint on a piece of paper 'cos was not voting in my constituency, and then shortly thereafter to put an ink mark on my thumb to show I had voted, that they did not hurt me. Just said: "I have a problem and my hand is sore; please be gentle".
Anyway, great camaraderie in the queue and all in all a fab experience. Now for the results!!!
Oh, back to my throat. Have throat thrush again. Again it hurts only when I eat but this time can eat soft solids. Taking loads of my liquid daffodils (not being negative by calling it yellow gunge anymore) but it's still there. And cannot take too much. Last night doubled the dose (leaflet says you can do that) but it made me throw up which just made me cry so being a bit more careful today.
But did decide to stay indoors today. So although not at home, did not pop into the office today as had intended to. Fak the good PR I thought it would be, just plan on going in earlier tomorrow. My health and wellbeing is far more important and having throat thrush is an indication of a low immune system so the less people I come into contact with the better.
And been reading which is great. Hoping to finish my book tonight, if I don't spend too long chattering away on facebook! It is Reginald Hill's A Cure for all diseases - a Dalziel & Pascoe novel. Not brilliant and took ages and ages to warm up, but not a bad thriller.

reader from brazil

Wow! Someone from Brazil has been reading this blog. And have more readers in the US than the UK. And think most of my own friends, apart from a handful, don't read it. Interesting that. Wish my main topic was more cheerful.
Had a dip this afternoon. Left work early - at 4pm - and The Main Man saw me and I didn't even care cos was feeling yuch. The truth was that I had looked in the mirror earlier and I had looked like a ghost - so pale and wan. Then came home and ate and felt momentarily better than went to sleep, feeling shit. And can u believe it? My state-of-the-art thermometer is in another bag and not here with me. And all because I bought a beautiful new black leather bag - super large - and did not transfer all my goodies into it.
Also, this afternoon there was an announcement - well, at least that is when I saw it; this morning it was a different story - that special votes for the disabled, those who gonna be out the country etc - well, registration would be allowed until 5pm today (it had previously been said it had closed on March 27). Well silly ol' me, who is usually so organised, did not arrange a special vote and now I am hassled that I will not be able to vote in the general elections on Wednesday.
Oh the point I was making that my ID book is not in my new bag and cannot register for special vote - would have been allowed to vote straight away. And as I saw it only at a few minutes to 4pm, and registration closed at 5pm, there was no time to go collect it and make it for voting. Plus I did not feel well enough for the mad dash.
Cliche, cliche, yes, but really dislike being sick. But ok now I think. At least I woke up before my alarm went off - although had increased the sleeping time twice - and now gonna see if I get up outta bed and do the few things I had planned to do tonight.
Damn this chemo and the immune-compromised week it brings. On the other hand, welcome the chemo because at least there is something that can make me better.

a quiet night

It is very still here. Literally. Barely a sound. So sitting here reflecting. Just eaten delicious veg biryani, dahl and raiti and a french salad which this restaurant - a dive in Randburg called Raj Rani - msnages to make spicy.
Always look forward to this on the Friday night of my immune-compromised week as, apart from work, not allowed to public places as too susceptible to illness.
This time, however, was pretty anxious as to whether or not I'd be able to eat it, thanks to my oral thrush caused by the chemo. Survived and loved it as usual even though my friend asked for two potato curries (they're tiny) which they neglected to include, adding instead two potatoes to the biryani, and I added copious amounts of Bulgarian yoghurt to soothe the burn. But enjoyed it immensely nevertheless.
My sister seemed astonished that I almost - is it 'almost'? - resented not being able to go out this weekend. The truth is that I feel ok - ok, ok, minus some minor hassles like my not-100% mouth and menacing, precarious-looking nails - and so would love to go out to a restaurant, somewhere with a buzz. Not into partying but could easily sit in a restaurant and eat and chat. "May that be your biggest problem," she said and I agreed.
Look, I am grateful that I generally feel ok but it does make it difficult to stay in when you feel ok to go out. And I have always been a going out person so the thought of two days in the confines of a home - ok, not always my own (at a friend now) - is somehow restricting rather than pleasurable. But I am prepared to indulge in the thought of a quiet weekend.
The truth, however, is that I would much rather also go to the Art Fair, meet someone for lunch tomorrow, buy the two birthday presents I need to buy, maybe buy some clothing (although don't really have the money for that) and see a movie on Sunday night. The time between those activities would be quiet enough time for me.
I am, however, grateful that I feel well enough to feel resentful of my enforced removal from Joburg's buzz. And in the interim will regularly swish masses of this yellow oral thrush gunge around my mouth before swallowing it.