It is very still here. Literally. Barely a sound. So sitting here reflecting. Just eaten delicious veg biryani, dahl and raiti and a french salad which this restaurant - a dive in Randburg called Raj Rani - msnages to make spicy.
Always look forward to this on the Friday night of my immune-compromised week as, apart from work, not allowed to public places as too susceptible to illness.
This time, however, was pretty anxious as to whether or not I'd be able to eat it, thanks to my oral thrush caused by the chemo. Survived and loved it as usual even though my friend asked for two potato curries (they're tiny) which they neglected to include, adding instead two potatoes to the biryani, and I added copious amounts of Bulgarian yoghurt to soothe the burn. But enjoyed it immensely nevertheless.
My sister seemed astonished that I almost - is it 'almost'? - resented not being able to go out this weekend. The truth is that I feel ok - ok, ok, minus some minor hassles like my not-100% mouth and menacing, precarious-looking nails - and so would love to go out to a restaurant, somewhere with a buzz. Not into partying but could easily sit in a restaurant and eat and chat. "May that be your biggest problem," she said and I agreed.
Look, I am grateful that I generally feel ok but it does make it difficult to stay in when you feel ok to go out. And I have always been a going out person so the thought of two days in the confines of a home - ok, not always my own (at a friend now) - is somehow restricting rather than pleasurable. But I am prepared to indulge in the thought of a quiet weekend.
The truth, however, is that I would much rather also go to the Art Fair, meet someone for lunch tomorrow, buy the two birthday presents I need to buy, maybe buy some clothing (although don't really have the money for that) and see a movie on Sunday night. The time between those activities would be quiet enough time for me.
I am, however, grateful that I feel well enough to feel resentful of my enforced removal from Joburg's buzz. And in the interim will regularly swish masses of this yellow oral thrush gunge around my mouth before swallowing it.