Saturday, December 15, 2012

just a torn glute

Delighted to report that my sore hip turned out to be a torn glute, which had affected another muscle and a joint. More later....

Thursday, December 13, 2012

had the most awful thought today

My hip has been sore. My biotkineticist said it was a muscle in spasm. But agreed today that it did seem to have persisted for a bit long. First felt it after gym last Monday, so talking about 10 days now.
The Yoga Man laughed that it was degenerative, or thought it was sciatica (pinched nerve) but today I suddenly thought: what if it is cancer in the bone?
Now been trying to work out if it is muscle pain or bone pain. The bio said muscle pain is an ache, bone pain is persistant.
I am not sure where exactly this pain is but until I nagged her today, the bio said it was definately muscular.
Anyway, before I thought it might be cancer, I had already made an appointment with a physiotherapist. Tomorrow at 1pm. Am going to keep the appointment. Praying it is just muscular.
Funnily enough, the pain is much better now that I have made the appointment. Feels a little bruised but I am not holding my side as I walk. Went on the bike today at gym and that seems to have helped a lot. Will do my full cardio session on the bike tomorrow.
Luckily the pain in my finger and hand has also improved. Still there but far less intense.
I have, however, turned into a compulsive eater. Guess I cannot talk about this to people...I have erratic anxieties, compounded by having found my own cancer in the unlikely circumstance of a recent mammogram and scan, and nobody wants to hear me "gaan aan and aan' (Afrikaans for 'go on and on').
Today my eating was insane. Well ate one thing, a lot of it, a vast amount of it, but actually most of that was 'cos of frustration at work. Intense having to shut up..... rather than explode.
This is a bad thing. Also, my dietician said the only way I will lose weight now is to be consistent. I eat super healthily but am having the occasional really bad out-of-control binge. This is a new thing. Have done it in the past but not for years and years.
Oh well.
I think my hip will be fine. Now it just feels like a bruise and I think it probably is bruised - lol! - because I have spent so much time on my side doing a particular exercise to loosen the muscle.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Now have a stiff finger and a sore hand

Kinda pissed off. Kinda concerned. Kinda taking it in my stride but my middle finger on my at-risk-for-lymphedema arm is sore and stiff, although not visibly swollen, and the hand is also sore.
Eventually contacted The Lymph Lady today. She told me not to be alarmed, but just to "keep going as normal, and watch it for a few days". Not sure what watching it for a few days really means but am scheduled to see her for a routine check-up next Wednesday, so hopefully it will either be better by then or else won't mean much.... lol..... ja......
Anyway, there is no visible swelling and I did tell her that I am spending much time stretching and bending my fingers and she said that is perfect.
Did do an exercise with my biokinetist on Monday which I said put too much pressure on my hand and hurt and so stopped it. Now wonder if my hand started hurting only since then..... cannot remember. Also have not done yoga for two weeks - bunked last week and there wasn't a class this week......oh finger and hand, get better!!

Monday, December 3, 2012

This is my level of neurosis - blush! blush!

For weeks now I have been hassled by what feels like two lumps, one on either side, of my jaw.
My Friday was getting pretty anxious but it was the Lady Gaga concert (which was superb, by the way) and I had to leave work early and it was chaotic and so I decided that today, Monday, would be the day I would just pitch at the oncology centre and ask them to check me out. I could already visualise myself going for a scan at Morningside Clinic and with all this happening in my head, I cancelled the appointment I had to have my fringe (a new hairstyle I adopted about a month ago) trimmed.
Well, asked The Lymph Lady to check me out and she said, "Nah, don't need to go to the oncology centre, go to your GP..," pointing out there is not just lymph there but also salivary glands.
I could get an appointment only on Friday so I phoned another doctor I sometimes see, and low and behold, it was merely salivary glands, and on top of that, there is nothing wrong with them which shows what an idiot I am, how neurotic and anxious I am, and this is what the cancer has done to me. As The Yoga Man has said, having found my own cancer, especially coming less than two months since an 'all-clear-come-back-in-a-year mammogram" has made my anxiety worse.
Luckily it is not 24/7. And I have so much to be grateful for. So so much. And I am grateful. And now can laugh about how silly I must have seemed and how silly I felt at the doctor today. Not serious... in fact I am smiling while writing this.