I am fine

I have had a month of hell ever since my six-monthly endometrial biopsy known as a Z-sampler revealed atypical cells.
Then, for various reasons, waited three weeks to have a D&C to investigate further, which I had on Monday. Got the results today. "Good news," he said. "No cancer, no malignancy, all fine.
"Nothing to worry about" he said.
He said he had scraped the uterus and the cervix. Then he used terms I didn't understand. I was in Cape Town today, and on campus at UCT, the reception kept cutting and so I didn't hear everything he said. But I ditd hear him say there was mild inflammation. I asked why, and he said it was hormone something or other, caused from the tamoxifen. I asked him to send me a copy of the report.
I cannot begin to describe the relief. I cannot wait to get back to normality, not living under a cloud of anxiety, not knowing if I needed a hysterectomy, not knowing if the tamoxifen had caused cancer, not knowing if I was going to go through it all again.....
I am fine. And it feels good. 

Deranged day

Oh dear. Just saw my last post was entitled traumatic day or something like that. Suffice to say, between the two postings have been ok. Today was plain kak.
Well, not all of it. Somehow January/February and September are my big test months and it is now clear to me that I don't cope with trauma, tension and pain of tests.
Today was the painful one.
Had three medical appointments today. Started off seeing The Lymph Lady and my arm was ok-ish - up 0.5cm in two places if I remember correctly. She said as long as it doesn't creep up continually, I am fine. Haven't had to wear the compression sleeve for about a year, since I last went overseas and did a long-haul flight, so generally it's been much better.
Then went straight to the opthamologist (across the road in fact but such a busy one, that I spent five minutes driving there instead!). 
Have a stigmatism in one eye, and had HUGE problems when I had thyroid problems as had thryoid eye disease too and ended up having an op to remove excess skin but even today my own eye protrudes and I don't look anything like I used to look, but got over that long ago.
Anyway, I wear glasses for driving at night and increasingly for movies, theatre, all shows... after much much deliberation today with different lenses, it was decided to keep my glasses as they are. And don't need for reading.
All well and good.
Then had to go for Z-sampler test. This, along with an MRI scan, is my worst. It is a scraping of the endometrial lining to check for endometrial cancer, which the Tamoxifen anti-breast cancer pills can cause. For some people it is excruciating. I am one of them. Now I use a Voltaren suppository beforehand but when phoned today to check how long before the appointment was told 30 minutes. I took it 45 minutes in advance but when I asked the gyncaecologist today when is the right time to take it, he said 90 minutes to two hours....
It was so sore that I think I kinda pulled his hand as I told him to stop it. Was less sore afterwards - that was the Voltaren working, he said - but bled so much - this is expected and they give you a panty-liner - that had to get a pad. Haven't checked since to see if I am ok.
Look, I am grateful - said between clenched teeth - to have access to top medical care and to be able to have such a test regularly. But it did cost me R1700 which is a f..fortune and the medical aid hasn't been paying for it (had discussion with doctor's receptionists this time and gonna fight it big time when it happens again now) but I felt so sorry for myself afterwards to have to endure such agony and spend so much money that I have been eating non-stop ever since (a few hours now) and spent just a little more than that on two pairs of exorbitant but fab shoes.
Deranged.
I know I will be fine tomorrow but sometimes it is all a little bit too much to bear.

All well!

Delighted to report that both tests I had on Monday are negative for cancer - the pap smear and the Z-sampler.
Had to phone the gynaecologist's emergency pager for the second time before he phoned me with the results. But he did apologise and did seem to understand that for me, getting the results was an emergency, was urgent.
I am so pleased that I was assertive enough to phone his emergency pager again this afternoon when he didn't phone me this afternoon and his rooms were closed. He was rushing to theatre for an emergency, he said.
I am relieved. Totally relieved. I kept thinking he is trying to protect me, trying to give me a few more carefree days before he breaks the news, and I kept thinking he is being negligent... one can work oneself up.
Glad I can now relax over the weekend.

Damn the doctor

Had a Z-sampler test on Monday. It tests for endometrial cancer, cancer of the uterus, which can be caused by the tamoxifen tablets I am on. The stats for tamoxifen preventing breast cancer returning are far higher than the chances of contacting endometrial cancer, so for me it wasn't an option, although I know there are women who won't take tamoxifen.
Anyway, the test is ghastly. According to the doctor, and his assistant, some women find it unbearably sore; others don't. I am one of those who do. It is like a pap smear X 50 although this time there wasn't prolonged pain afterwards, even though it did hurt a little the next day. And it bled a little, even the next day. Oh, and the doctor said that next time I can take Voltaren suppositories to numb the abdominal area, and I willingly took the script for it because I can still drive myself there and back; I just won't feel the intense pain. (I have the test every six months.)
However, was super pissed off that the doctor didn't phone me with the results. I had to phone him today, which I did, and I know he phones back at the end of the day. At 4.50pm I realised he hadn't phoned so I phoned again, only to be told he was busy - but still there. By 6pm I got the answering machine. So I phoned the emergency number, thinking: for me this is an emergency. I have had cancer. I need to know I am ok. If I am not ok, I also need to know. I thought: if he is cross with me for abusing the emergency number, f.. him. For me it is an emergency.
He didn't phone back.

Z-Sampler all ok

Got the results of my Z-Sampler - the horrible, horribly sore test/scrape for endometrial cancer - and it's all normal.
Monday going to see the doctor re having a colonoscopy. He wanted to do the procedure straight after the consultation but as I have never had one before, wanted time to prepare myself for it. Colon cancer is in the family and my mother was diagnosed with it about five days before she died - felt the lump on the Thursday night, saw doctor on the Friday, had a colonoscopy on the Monday, was told she was a perfect candidate for an operation, which was then scheduled for the following week - and died in the early hours of the Saturday morning, days before the scheduled op. Strange indeed.
Be that as it may, have had one other niggly health hassle. Got oral thrush over the weekend. Just like I had when I had chemo - although then it was worse as it spread to my throat. Had ceremoniously thrown away all that dreaded yellow gunge (Nycostatin) dotted around my home and workplace and work bag and gym bag quite recently, but had mouth wash recommended by the oncology centre and although it had expired in October last year, used it and two days later, it was gone. Feels like it is now back, but only slightly.
When I looked on the internet for causes of oral thrush, I felt suicidal but I know going to the internet for medical info, rather than respected websites, is dangerous so will wait and see.
The Yoga Man says I am obssessed with my health. Trying not to rush to the doctor for the slightest thing but it did save my life, I am sure, that I went to the doctor the same day I felt the lump, despite having had a mammogram and ultrasound less than two months before....
Anyway, cos am trying not be health-obssessed, have held off making an appointment after the gynae on Monday remarked that it seemed the ganglion on my hand was not a ganglion and I should see a hand surgeon, going on to recommend some. I cannot have surgery on that hand as it is the side which is high-risk for lymphedema but will ask The Lymph Lady on Monday for her opinion - she specialises in hand rehab..... one of her specialisations.
Otherwise, am very well. Chuffed to report that have kind of kept my weight down - am now up half a kg but now 1.4kg more than when I was diagnosed two years ago so not so bad considering I am on tamoxifen - and went to the symphony concert last night and off to three art exhibition openings tonight and then to a friend for dinner.

The dreaded Z-Sampler

Last time I felt I had shrieked so loudly, I felt the whole of Linksfield Clinic - well, at the very least those on the ground floor buzzing around the coffee shop - must have heard me.
This time I thought it might be a bit better, cos I had had it before, and so was prepared and after all, I kept thinking, it's not like it goes on for ever.
Well, I just remember saying to The Prof (my gynae), "please stop!"
But of course he had to finish the procedure. And my tummy, below the belly button, did hurt like before, but not so badly.
Basically the Z-Sampler is like a pap smear but of the uterus. And it hurts like hell. Well, for me it does. But I need to have it done because tamoxifen can cause endometrial cancer and they need to monitor it. I get the results on Wednesday.