Monday, October 11, 2010

Am I unnaturally calm?

The manual lymph drainage massage I have to do involves touching various parts of my body, from the lymph nodes on my neck to those in the armpit. Yesterday I felt this kind of thickening at the bottom of my left breast, the same side where I had cancer in the adjacent lymph nodes.
Today it was still there.
Now I happened to have an appointment with The Thyroid Doctor, whom I adore, and I told him about it. (I found it kind of amusing and interesting that he asked me how I was dealing with the problem I had had last January. "Oh, the cancer!" I said.) Anyway, he examined me and said it was "something" but nothing serious, or something like that, and that if it was a lump he would have sent me for an immediate biopsy.
Then later this morning I happened to have an appointment with The Lymph Lady (and incidentally, my arm is fine, thank goodness. I told her: if I have to wear a compression sleeve, I might wear it for one week then I am going to wear it one day on, and one day off, which is about the most daring I have ever been re treatment, but luckily did not even have to contemplate that, although she does want to see me next week again.)
Anyway, she felt it and said she didn't think it was anything serious but I should get it checked out.
Now I had tried to phone the oncology centre earlier but had not got through to the treatment room, where the nurses are (who are the first port of call, as one cannot ask to speak to the doctors.) Well, after The Lymph Lady, I just drove to the oncology centre. There Joyce, the most experienced nurse, examined me and said I wasn't imagining anything, there was something and that she could even feel it when I was sitting rather than lying down, which is usually the easier way to feel anything. But there were no doctors there today. I did not ask why.
And so that is a very long-winded way of saying I am seeing The Tango Man tomorrow, have an appointment at 2.15 and despite spending some time reading the American Cancer Association site for some answers as to how one identifies cancer in the breast, I feel calm. I finished the preventative treatment herceptin about two months ago, maybe three, and well, I don't know really. I hope and pray I am ok, but I feel I am ok. And I will say what I always say: whatever happens, I will deal with it.

No comments:

Post a Comment