my three month check-up tomorrow

Had a fabulous holiday in Cape Town. Really enjoyed myself, going out with my dad a lot, eating at Overture in Stellenbosch which was quite an experience with its magnificent view of a "hidden valley", as the name of the farm describes; going to Maynardville open air theatre in Wynberg (why are there no pictures on their website???) to see a brilliant production of The Taming of the Shrew) and just generally having a good time. Oh, also went to The Duchess of Wisbeach (hell, they don't even seem to have their own website) which is oh-so-funky and oh-so-trendy and oh-so-f..-irritating for not having a portable credit card machine... and  discovered (my dad's recommendation) the oh-so-fabulous Sotano in Mouille Point.
Anyway, part of the reason for this build-up is that I spend far too much time moaning on this blog, guess it's my outlet to do so, and I do not want anyone reading this to think I am just a misery who lives in a state of anxiety. For I do not.
Yes, I am anxious about my three-monthly check-up tomorrow. Yes, I am not charmed that my arm was up in a million places on Monday. Yes, am pissed off with myself that I gained 1.2kg on holiday - if I haven't lost it by tomorrow morning will be furious but then guess that the two bars of Chilli Lindt I just had won't do much to further that aim...And yes, not charmed that had swollen glands in my neck since Saturday although I think they might have disappeared today...
Anyway, things are ok. Sure will lose weight, sure my arm will get back to normal and just praying that all is well tomorrow.

Am I unnaturally calm?

The manual lymph drainage massage I have to do involves touching various parts of my body, from the lymph nodes on my neck to those in the armpit. Yesterday I felt this kind of thickening at the bottom of my left breast, the same side where I had cancer in the adjacent lymph nodes.
Today it was still there.
Now I happened to have an appointment with The Thyroid Doctor, whom I adore, and I told him about it. (I found it kind of amusing and interesting that he asked me how I was dealing with the problem I had had last January. "Oh, the cancer!" I said.) Anyway, he examined me and said it was "something" but nothing serious, or something like that, and that if it was a lump he would have sent me for an immediate biopsy.
Then later this morning I happened to have an appointment with The Lymph Lady (and incidentally, my arm is fine, thank goodness. I told her: if I have to wear a compression sleeve, I might wear it for one week then I am going to wear it one day on, and one day off, which is about the most daring I have ever been re treatment, but luckily did not even have to contemplate that, although she does want to see me next week again.)
Anyway, she felt it and said she didn't think it was anything serious but I should get it checked out.
Now I had tried to phone the oncology centre earlier but had not got through to the treatment room, where the nurses are (who are the first port of call, as one cannot ask to speak to the doctors.) Well, after The Lymph Lady, I just drove to the oncology centre. There Joyce, the most experienced nurse, examined me and said I wasn't imagining anything, there was something and that she could even feel it when I was sitting rather than lying down, which is usually the easier way to feel anything. But there were no doctors there today. I did not ask why.
And so that is a very long-winded way of saying I am seeing The Tango Man tomorrow, have an appointment at 2.15 and despite spending some time reading the American Cancer Association site for some answers as to how one identifies cancer in the breast, I feel calm. I finished the preventative treatment herceptin about two months ago, maybe three, and well, I don't know really. I hope and pray I am ok, but I feel I am ok. And I will say what I always say: whatever happens, I will deal with it.