Have decided to stop freaking out about my arm and its swelling.
Could take control and wear the sleeve now but as I might have to soon enough, am going to wait until I see The Lymph Lady on Monday. Then if it is more swollen than last week, when it was up slightly in three places, then going to arrange to see her three times a week and ask if I can pay her at the end of the month rather than at the end of each session.
Then I will wear the sleeve for a while and pray it goes down again.
Then will have one of my new outfits made (bought fab African fabric in Long Street, Cape Town and seeing this designer called Musa on Monday) - well, am going to have one outfit made with long loose sleeves which reach to mid-way on my hand, so that if I do have to wear a damn compression sleeve, it will cover it. And it will be one thin cotton outfit with long sleeves so if I fly long distance and have to wear the sleeve on the flight and the day I land, I have something nice to wear over it.
The Lymph Lady did say that my arm will go up and down. Well the main thing is that it does that. If it does go up and up, and never down, then it's lymphedema, no matter how slight the swelling is. But for now grateful that my swelling is slight. Millimetres still, I hope.
I live in Johannesburg, South Africa, where I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Thursday January 15 2009. This is my journey with cancer and other musings as surveyed - initially temporarily hairless - from under my hats.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
enjoying writing this blog
It is now getting to the point where I can no longer "gaan aan" (literal Afrikaans for "go on", as in go on and on and on...." about my arm and its high risk for lymphedema and how I spend so much time and effort to avoid actually getting it and having to wear a compression sleeve.
Now, apart from an occasional - as in once a day, ok, maybe twice a day, maybe more.... - passing comment such as "my arm feels dreadful, look, it is definately swollen", I try not to talk about it. So it helps to have a blog. Cos here I can pour my heart out.
Actually I don't, pour my heart out that is. I often keep quiet about things. It is what holds me back from being a good writer; I hate exposing myself, exuberant as I am.
For example, during the recent time when I did have to wear a compression sleeve, I was far far far far more miserable about it than I wrote. I don't even remember what I did write about how I felt, but I do know that I did not write what I really felt, and even now I am not prepared to discuss it, what I really felt during that time, that is.
I just hope that somebody somewhere finds this useful. Or can identify with my experiences and feelings. It is certainly helping me by providing me with an outlet as well as helping me clarify what I feel and trying to understand what is happening. It also serves to document. Cannot clarify why I feel it is important to document; I just believe it is important to keep a record of things and often, in hindsight, I have regretted not recording things. Consider Kevin Bloom's book Ways of Staying. If he had not documented things, he could not have written that book.
Now, apart from an occasional - as in once a day, ok, maybe twice a day, maybe more.... - passing comment such as "my arm feels dreadful, look, it is definately swollen", I try not to talk about it. So it helps to have a blog. Cos here I can pour my heart out.
Actually I don't, pour my heart out that is. I often keep quiet about things. It is what holds me back from being a good writer; I hate exposing myself, exuberant as I am.
For example, during the recent time when I did have to wear a compression sleeve, I was far far far far more miserable about it than I wrote. I don't even remember what I did write about how I felt, but I do know that I did not write what I really felt, and even now I am not prepared to discuss it, what I really felt during that time, that is.
I just hope that somebody somewhere finds this useful. Or can identify with my experiences and feelings. It is certainly helping me by providing me with an outlet as well as helping me clarify what I feel and trying to understand what is happening. It also serves to document. Cannot clarify why I feel it is important to document; I just believe it is important to keep a record of things and often, in hindsight, I have regretted not recording things. Consider Kevin Bloom's book Ways of Staying. If he had not documented things, he could not have written that book.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Up and down, up and down, up and down
After being rather exuberant cos I was on holiday in Cape Town for a week and it seemed that I could start cutting down on my visits to The Lymph Lady, and so save some money and also just bladywell relax about everything, things kinda fell apart a little this morning.
My arm is up in three or four places. So hassled re it, can't remember which. Ok, the wrist is up 1mm so that doesn't really count, then I think it's halfway up my lower arm that is up 3mm I think - or is it 2mm? - and my upper arm is up 2 or is it 3mm? Think the middle of my upper arm is also up, 2mm or 3mm.
Not a calamity yet but if it goes up again, no matter how little, will be wearing that damn compression sleeve again.
The Lymph Lady says my arm is always going to be like this - up and down - and that it could be caused by the flights to Cape Town, and also the heat this morning. Could feel this weekend that my arm was not feeling lekker, and mentioned it to my sister.
It feels much worse tonight.
And I only gained half a kilogram on holiday, which I am sure I will lose soon, so it can't be that.
Oh just want to say that this blog is among the best things I have done. Was really chuffed today when saw a comment from someone who has moved to Joburg, has lymphedema and asked for a recommendation on who to see. Emailed her with the info. So glad to be of help and that this blog is a way of assisting others, even if it's just the reassurance of recognition of a common dilemma or situation, cos it's not all about dilemmas -or is it?
My arm is up in three or four places. So hassled re it, can't remember which. Ok, the wrist is up 1mm so that doesn't really count, then I think it's halfway up my lower arm that is up 3mm I think - or is it 2mm? - and my upper arm is up 2 or is it 3mm? Think the middle of my upper arm is also up, 2mm or 3mm.
Not a calamity yet but if it goes up again, no matter how little, will be wearing that damn compression sleeve again.
The Lymph Lady says my arm is always going to be like this - up and down - and that it could be caused by the flights to Cape Town, and also the heat this morning. Could feel this weekend that my arm was not feeling lekker, and mentioned it to my sister.
It feels much worse tonight.
And I only gained half a kilogram on holiday, which I am sure I will lose soon, so it can't be that.
Oh just want to say that this blog is among the best things I have done. Was really chuffed today when saw a comment from someone who has moved to Joburg, has lymphedema and asked for a recommendation on who to see. Emailed her with the info. So glad to be of help and that this blog is a way of assisting others, even if it's just the reassurance of recognition of a common dilemma or situation, cos it's not all about dilemmas -or is it?
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