Sunday, August 24, 2014

I have finished my five years on tamoxifen

On Monday I took my last Tamoxifen pill. I also saw my oncologist, The Tango Man, and I am fine. And once again I was so overwhelmed with gratitude that I hardly discussed anything with him, and nothing re tamoxifen, beyond asking him to recommend a new gynaecologist and gastro doc (love mine but think a year down the line of having intense bloating problems is a good enough reason to get a different opinion).
The only thing I did discuss re Tamoxifen was how awful I felt on the generic when they ran out of Kessar - well it was unavailable for a short while in South Africa - and he said it was perfectly possible.
I adore that man and would be most upset if he retired anytime soon. I am so grateful to him and quite simply adore him.
Am seeing the new gynaecologist tomorrow - i got a cancellation - and although I think this means the medical aid won't pay as it is two visits within a year, tough shit. I didn't trust the last one; she wasn't at all thorough, not examining my boobs and when I questioned that, said: "Oh but you had a mammogram.."
You do not say that to someone who found a lump less than two months after having a mammogram and ultra-sound.
Anyway, let's see what this one is like. I liked and trusted my previous gynae until he butchered me for no reason. Well he believed I had cancer but I don't like the way he went about things and doing a radical hysterectomy for no reason.... still ..well, actually am worse, re the death of my friend (not cancer related). Been reading her recent emails to me, looking at lovely pics she sent of us together when she was here in January, reading her mail of "see you soon" when she let to go back to the US and all the ones since, and cannot believe she is no more.
It is very hard to accept death. All death. This was very sudden. She was 50 and was about to turn 51 four days later. I still do not know how she died as her husband will not discuss it. Not with me, not with her father and not with her brother. He said it was an accident. I have searched the internet for a mention - police must have been called out - aah, maybe I should search for paramedics instead - but it is all so mysterious and meanwhile I mourn the loss of my friend.
One day I will look back on our happy times of friendship but for now I am kinda paralysed with misery which is blady ridiculous.
Anyway, sitting here in my pajamas and gown on a Sunday afternoon but guess that is ok.


  1. I am sorry for your loss but so happy you are done with Tamoxifen.

    1. I felt fine on tamoxifen except for a short period on a generic which was hell.
      Oh I did have weight gain but dealt with it (until this year when my weight has been awful but that is not tamoxifen related). Did you take tamoxifen? Are you still on it?

    2. I was PR- and ER-, so no Tamoxifen.