I am not sure what happens but I have been feeling protective of my thoughts and actions; not wanting to share them. I have been feeling a need to be private.
Yet here I am again.
The most traumatic thing that has happened, and it happened a month and a day ago, is that my friend died suddenly. She did not have cancer but she did have lyme disease which she was battling to control. But she didn't die from that. In fact, I do not know what she died from as she lived in the US (so I wasn't around) and her husband has declined to discuss it, either with me or her family, saying it was a "tragic accident". Or maybe he said "terrible accident". I am so shocked about her death and then not knowing the cause that I have spend nights googling her name to see if there is any info re her death. Perhaps she killed herself. I do not know.
The circumstances and lack of communication meant that I did not even consider going over for the funeral. When I did ask about funeral arrangements, thinking I would perhaps commemorate it here at the same time, I did not get a response.
I last saw her in February when she was here, in South Africa, and we did loads of things and had a fabulous time. It is hard to believe she is no more. Just like that. Gone. I last spoke to her on email about 10 days before she died. I now understand what is meant by a lack of closure. I have desperately wanted to know how she died. Maybe, as The Yoga Man says, I will never know. So I must remember all the wonderful times and experiences we shared. And be grateful for that. But it is sad. She died four days before her birthday. She would have been 51.
***********************
As for me, I have just been on holiday to a fab 5-star hotel in Umhlanga, Durban and it was wonderful. Went there twice last year and then again now and it is a really super place to visit as apart from one walk on the beachfront, one walk on the beach and a day into the countryside in a rental car, I did nothing. We lay at the hotel pool drinking bubbly and reading. Bliss.
Healthwise, I have had a cold for a month and couldn't exercise or do lymph massage (it just makes your sickness worse). Went back to gym - a very gentle, low key 'workout" - perhaps 'session' is a better word for my 12 minutes of cardio and some stretch-type exercises - and also had lymph massage with The Lymph Lady.
My arm is pretty kak - the best if harsh way to describe it - but hoping that now with regular exercise and massage it will settle down. The Lymph Lady said that she does have patients whose arms are as slightly swollen as mine (I cannot feel anything) and yet wear compression sleeves to prevent it swelling more. She does not feel I need to but it does need to improve. Soon.
And as for my stomach. It was great on holiday but I ate no raw vegetables and very little fruit. Trying to emulate that here. Oh, when I say it was great, I do not mean it went flat; it just didn't hurt although my latest development now is bad acid reflux which makes me want to throw up (walked outta one or was it two yoga classes?) and so I pop antacids (sp?) all day as I have actually gotten sick a a few times and cannot afford to ignore the feeling.
Otherwise I am on leave and very well. Huddled in front of the gas heater right now and going to read. Maybe cook some fresh fish for dinner.
Must make an effort to write more often.
Yet here I am again.
The most traumatic thing that has happened, and it happened a month and a day ago, is that my friend died suddenly. She did not have cancer but she did have lyme disease which she was battling to control. But she didn't die from that. In fact, I do not know what she died from as she lived in the US (so I wasn't around) and her husband has declined to discuss it, either with me or her family, saying it was a "tragic accident". Or maybe he said "terrible accident". I am so shocked about her death and then not knowing the cause that I have spend nights googling her name to see if there is any info re her death. Perhaps she killed herself. I do not know.
The circumstances and lack of communication meant that I did not even consider going over for the funeral. When I did ask about funeral arrangements, thinking I would perhaps commemorate it here at the same time, I did not get a response.
I last saw her in February when she was here, in South Africa, and we did loads of things and had a fabulous time. It is hard to believe she is no more. Just like that. Gone. I last spoke to her on email about 10 days before she died. I now understand what is meant by a lack of closure. I have desperately wanted to know how she died. Maybe, as The Yoga Man says, I will never know. So I must remember all the wonderful times and experiences we shared. And be grateful for that. But it is sad. She died four days before her birthday. She would have been 51.
***********************
As for me, I have just been on holiday to a fab 5-star hotel in Umhlanga, Durban and it was wonderful. Went there twice last year and then again now and it is a really super place to visit as apart from one walk on the beachfront, one walk on the beach and a day into the countryside in a rental car, I did nothing. We lay at the hotel pool drinking bubbly and reading. Bliss.
Healthwise, I have had a cold for a month and couldn't exercise or do lymph massage (it just makes your sickness worse). Went back to gym - a very gentle, low key 'workout" - perhaps 'session' is a better word for my 12 minutes of cardio and some stretch-type exercises - and also had lymph massage with The Lymph Lady.
My arm is pretty kak - the best if harsh way to describe it - but hoping that now with regular exercise and massage it will settle down. The Lymph Lady said that she does have patients whose arms are as slightly swollen as mine (I cannot feel anything) and yet wear compression sleeves to prevent it swelling more. She does not feel I need to but it does need to improve. Soon.
And as for my stomach. It was great on holiday but I ate no raw vegetables and very little fruit. Trying to emulate that here. Oh, when I say it was great, I do not mean it went flat; it just didn't hurt although my latest development now is bad acid reflux which makes me want to throw up (walked outta one or was it two yoga classes?) and so I pop antacids (sp?) all day as I have actually gotten sick a a few times and cannot afford to ignore the feeling.
Otherwise I am on leave and very well. Huddled in front of the gas heater right now and going to read. Maybe cook some fresh fish for dinner.
Must make an effort to write more often.
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. It is especially hard with no closure at all. I hope she didn't suffer.
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