Sunday, April 14, 2013

Happy to report that I seem to be over the worst

It is now just over 3 weeks since I had a hysterectomy.

And at last I feel that I am making some progress.

I can now go out once a day somewhere eg shopping centre or restaurant for a short while. Then I do get dizzy - think it must be blood pressure? - but if I eat or drink something am ok.

Then I do my 30 min walk a day although if my outing is extensive like Friday's (two hours at the beautician having a mani, pedi and facial; quick clothing shop at one store; lunch; bookshop and a food shop during which my friend pushed the trolley) than leave out the walk.

 Then at night the pain starts. Last night was hit by such sharp spasms that I cried out but I took two painkillers, like I do every evening, and then it zonked me out so much I wasn't even able to do my lumph massage.

And despite having lost weight initially, I was up 0.3kg today from my usual lowest, so reckon life is back to normal if I am hassling about my weight!

Saw the oncologist, The Tango Man, the other day. He was very sweet. My sister laughed when I said that. "Sweet? How can he be sweet? He is the one who chased So-and-So out his rooms for being so vain and ..."

Look, I adore The Tango Man. He saved my life with the breast cancer and even though he has shouted at me a few times ("You weren't thin when you walked in here! You weighed XXX" and "Who said doing more exercise would be good for you?"), he is wonderful.

I told him I was very upset about having had the op, that it seemed totally unnecesarry and that I was cross with myself about it all, and he seemed a bit surprised but was very nice about it all. I think he was taken aback because usually I am so gung-ho (I have been a bit concerned that my negative attitude might affect my healing) but he told me not to be so harsh on my myself, and went into the horrors of if I had had endometrial cancer - radiation on bowel, bladder etc....

He said 3% of women on tamoxifen get endometrial cancer and I remarked rather cynically that I wasn't part of that statistic yet had had a hysterectomy and this made it very difficult to deal with the pain and how my life had come to a complete standstill (ok, temporarily but still for a long time).

"Are you a gambler?" he said with a smile at the beginning of the  appointment after I had told him I hadn't been so unhappy in years, pointing out the "some markedly atypical cells" from the endometrial biopsy or Z-sampler. But I still feel the gynae could have checked to see if I had a fibroid, considering it appears they can cause atypical cells. I still believe the doctors panicked and this could have been avoided but when I am sitting at home now, without pain, it's cope-able. Later, when I get dizzy or am in agony, I will feel sad again....

Oh and the attitude of my friends has become quite intriguing. They are now competing amongst themselves to get brownie points to help me. Was very grateful that a friend took me to The Tango Man and waited for me - he always sees me early and is so efficient - and she fetched me from beautician and took me shopping and then home - I bought her lunch and gave her a gift was so grateful, but she had put out when another had come to visit and she glaringly hadn't. And now the other is asking to help me with lifts etc next week and another offered to bring beetroot from her garden (and when I said yes, would love that, have not heard a word) and The Yoga Man says "Aah, they are frenemies with each other".

But still one close friend, or should I say previously close friend, has not bothered to visit. Has texted and phoned a few times but no visit and other close friends have been rather absent. Although my best friends from London and New York have phoned a few times and it has been great chatting to them.

Just felt I could no longer moan friends have been absent.

And so I am smiling. And going to have yet another cup of Pukka 3  Ginger tea. Delicious!

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