Monday, December 3, 2012

This is my level of neurosis - blush! blush!

For weeks now I have been hassled by what feels like two lumps, one on either side, of my jaw.
My Friday was getting pretty anxious but it was the Lady Gaga concert (which was superb, by the way) and I had to leave work early and it was chaotic and so I decided that today, Monday, would be the day I would just pitch at the oncology centre and ask them to check me out. I could already visualise myself going for a scan at Morningside Clinic and with all this happening in my head, I cancelled the appointment I had to have my fringe (a new hairstyle I adopted about a month ago) trimmed.
Well, asked The Lymph Lady to check me out and she said, "Nah, don't need to go to the oncology centre, go to your GP..," pointing out there is not just lymph there but also salivary glands.
I could get an appointment only on Friday so I phoned another doctor I sometimes see, and low and behold, it was merely salivary glands, and on top of that, there is nothing wrong with them which shows what an idiot I am, how neurotic and anxious I am, and this is what the cancer has done to me. As The Yoga Man has said, having found my own cancer, especially coming less than two months since an 'all-clear-come-back-in-a-year mammogram" has made my anxiety worse.
Luckily it is not 24/7. And I have so much to be grateful for. So so much. And I am grateful. And now can laugh about how silly I must have seemed and how silly I felt at the doctor today. Not serious... in fact I am smiling while writing this.

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