Sunday, February 27, 2011

panicky moment yesterday

It's been wonderful weather here in Joburg. In fact, the weather here is generally wonderful: very moderate, mostly warm although can get down to momentary minuses in weather (but then only for part of the day, such as early morning/nights) and I don't enjoy the summer rainfall and thunderstorms.
But when it's hot, I tend to wear white; it's cooler. Yesterday put on a white skirt and a t-shirt I haven't worn in ages: white with a black floral print.  It has three-quarter sleeves. So I was most unhappy when it started to "pull" on my left upper arm. After about five minutes, I changed to a cap sleeve plain white t-shirt but my upper arm still felt a little heavy.
Haven't got dressed yet today (still wrapped in a kikoy, a cotton Kenyan wrap ) so have no idea if arm is swollen or not. Even when it is swollen, at the most it goes up by 0.5cm so it's often difficult to tell plus I have developed a distorted perceptin of my arm. It always looks swollen to me. Sometimes I look at it and it appears huge.
Anyway, what upsets me is that I am trying so hard to be calm, an unhassled person. Then have an incident like my t-shirt appearing tight, and I feel in despair that I might have to wear a compression sleeve. It is the thought of that, the reality of that tight thing squeezing my arm, not letting me wear all my summer clothes in this lovely weather but having to boil in long-sleeved tops and being so restricted in what I can wear, which drives me crazy and turns me from a normal person into an anxious, unhappy monster.
Not that I spent the day moping. Far from it. Was so busy - breakfast with friends, then shopping for an engagement present, then to the Oriental Plaza to get some fabric and trimmings for something I am having made, then to nursery with The Yoga Man to get lawn for between the tiles, then some brief reading before dashing off to fetch my friend to go to Dance Umbrella - saw amazing Nigerian-born, Paris-based Qunus Onikeku  (see the video and photos of his work & his blog) - then out to La Cucina di Ciro for dinner. So hardly miff. Now off to an engagement party and have a hefty report to read for a work lunch tomorrow to discuss how best to turn the research into a story.
Not sure if going to try the t-shirt again now. Seeing The Lymph Lady tomorrow anyway.
Oh and must add: delighted, delighted that six months post Herceptin, my nails are now tough - like the rest of me!

No comments:

Post a Comment