Monday, November 16, 2009

coping with adversity

I am beginning to think that copying is a choice. It sounds crazy even to me but I think you have to grit your teeth and decide: that's it, I am going to deal with this and then it becomes easy. If you don't cope, it's more difficult.
I look at my dad who lost his partner after 54 years and he mourned for a month, and then got on with life. I still cannot believe my mom is dead and sure my dad cannot either but he is totally cheerful and takes delight in everything. He got sick last week and we were told it was serious. By Saturday afternoon I felt hysterical, thinking I felt like hiding under a duvet and never coming out. Then I decided that my dad would hate that, so spoke to my sisters saying we had to grab life and enjoy it. So we all went out that night and this evening spoke to my dad and he sounded brilliant.
I wouldn't say I am not coping with having had cancer but have to admit that the niggly side effects of the treatments often get me down, but not for long. I want to feel 100% again and will do whatever it takes. This morning got on the scale and was 2,5kg more. Damn - either eating or boozing too much or it's the tamoxifen pills but I am going to beat it. Giving it a week, then going to Cape Town again next week and if my weight is not down when i return, going to see the dietician again, whether I can afford her damn expensive consultations or not.
Sadly therapy has been a bit of a disappointment to me. I knew the day I was diagnosed that I would start this blog and go to therapy but think it helped the least of everything I have done. Biokinetics and having contact with The Lymph Lady who is so clued up with the treatments and their side-effects have helped far more. Excercise has been a big, big help. Like going to a biokineticist the minute I got diagnosed and banned from gym to get a programme of low-energy exercises which I did consistently, if not everyday, during chemo.... combined with a bit of recuperative yoga poses. Now I do bio - high-energy bio which includes 15 minutes of cardio - three times a week and yoga once a week.
Not sure why the therapy was such a disappointment cos went to the same therapist i had been to before and who had been very helpful in giving me pointers to deal with work problems in the past. Now I still have work hassles but hopefully just deal with them a bit better!!
Everyone tells me I am a coper, that my attitude is good but i often find that annoying. I have no choice but to deal with it. However, this weekend in Cape Town with my dad in intensive care made me realiser that coping can be a choice. That you take action and things become easier.

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