Sunday, June 7, 2009

did not realise my anger

Went to this breast cancer charity do this morning. Was dreading it. And could not really understand why I did not want to go. But now I do.
Firstly, as much as it does consume a lot of my life, do not want to spend my Sunday morning focussing on breast cancer. But even more so, when I got there, realised how angry I am. And then the first speaker got up and spoke about the need to examine your breasts. Big deal. Would not have helped me. I had a mammogram and scan and was given the all-clear, until less than two months later I found a lump below my armpit.
I am angry because I do not want to hear the standard stuff of how it's important to go for regular mammograms and scans, eat healthily - lots of oily fish (which I often ate three times a day), drink green tea (which I did and still do daily, barring the time I had chemo and swopped to fennel tea).
The second speaker was a radiologist who spoke about how it isn't so clean cut, so obvious, so clear and then the third speaker spoke about genetics and having the gene for breast cancer (as far as I know, I don't). Interesting. My sister in Cape Town was advised not to go for genetic counselling by a doctor as he said it will just drive her crazy as she will spend her entire life worrying about getting cancer.
Anyway, got over the event and it was ok.
Also, think I am a little resentful - but I should have spoken to them about it, or still speak to them about it - about the lack of support groups around at the oncology centre. Guess I could contact them but why does the oncology centre not recommend/endorse them? There was a buddy from the Bosom Buddies suport group there the first day I went for chemo and I realise now how that brief chat helped me with my entire chemo experience as she provided invaluable, practical advice. Maybe will go to their next meeting.
Also kinda anxious - trying not to be - re the swelling on my neck. Doctor felt it and said it was soft but if it did not go away, might have to go for a scan. It is still swollen. Just praying that it is just swelling of the lymph from the radiation, like my left breast is swollen, a typical reaction.

No comments:

Post a Comment