Thursday, May 28, 2009

a revelation

Was chatting to my friend Carlos (ok, on my cellphone in the Hyde Park carpark, returning from Zubeida Jaffer's booklaunch read her website)and read her entry in South Africa's WhosWho and extract from Zubeida Jaffer's new book Love in the Time of Treason when I said, in my usual irritating, self deprecating way "Oh, I'm such a misery" when I stopped - suddenly - and said: "Hey, I'm not. I'm not a misery, at all!"
I always thought I was, you know. But now, now that I have/have had cancer/having treatment for cancer (it went away with the chemo but now on preventative radiation for breast cancer), I realise I am not one bit of a misery. Oh, not quite as 'wow' in my attitude as some people have made out, and yes, I do get bogged down at times when yet another niggly side-effect rears its head, or too many side-effects congregate at one time, but I do not feel as if I walk around with the world's problems on my shoulders. I don't feel miserable. As much as I dislike waking up early to drive in Joburg's bumper to bumper traffic to get to radiation - and which also means trying to get to bed earlier, an even more difficult discipline - when I turn on Classic FM Classic FM's website and hear some great music or listen to a wonderful story on a CD from the Listeners' Library, I find myself smiling with sheer pleasure. Don't think I am in danger of being a depressive.

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