Was trying to download a pic I had taken of some flowers growing from a cactus in a pot, so was going through the pictures on my computer when I came across this one titled 'stubble".
Taken on February 27 last year - I started chemo for breast cancer on February 5, world cancer day - it shows how my hair was falling out. It never fell out completely; there was always stubble at the top and back, with only the sides completely bald.
I couldn't stop staring at this pic. Think my hair went a little thinner than this, but not much. Today my hair is a mass of curls, chemo curls, they call it.
When I showed this pic to The Yoga Man, he showed me a pic of my face at the time. Mmm.. much thinner. About 7kg less than I weigh now. At present my weight is 2.4kg up from when I was diagnosed on January 15 last year, and 1kg up from last week, but still 3kg down from what it was two months ago.
So essentially during chemo, during the time I went off salads and protein barring tofu and boiled eggs, and during which I had bouts of throat thrush and could consume only liquids and mashed bananas and soft-boiled eggs, I lost only 5kg. Actually, think it was only 4kg.
Mmm.. meanwhile, luckily now my arm is ok. On Monday the measurements were the same as the previous Monday. And I have decided to see The Lymph Lady weekly - instead of the bi-weekly I used to do at one stage - until such time as my arm is stable and I feel ok about it. As in calm and unhassled. I cannot live with the stress I went through about a week ago with my arm. Not good for me.
I am, however, flying - but only a short 2-hour flight - next week. That might throw it out. Plus I need to lose that extra almost 1kg I have gained, else that too could throw it out. But generally much happier when my arm is ok, when it's behaving, as it were.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Arm ok
Sjoe! What a relief! Saw The Lymph Lady now and my arm is up 2mm in one place. So it's ok.
Now The Yoga Man is going to measure my arm to get a base measurement - The Lymph Lady showed me how (this was his suggestion during my anxiety last night, but based on an original idea of hers) - and then if I hit nervous breakdown stakes, he can measure.
It appears that the flabbiness caused by not using the arm - to help prevent lymphedema - is making the arm look and feel heavier.
I am relieved but find these stressful moments are awful. Now I am a little annoyed with myself for becoming so anxious.
Now The Yoga Man is going to measure my arm to get a base measurement - The Lymph Lady showed me how (this was his suggestion during my anxiety last night, but based on an original idea of hers) - and then if I hit nervous breakdown stakes, he can measure.
It appears that the flabbiness caused by not using the arm - to help prevent lymphedema - is making the arm look and feel heavier.
I am relieved but find these stressful moments are awful. Now I am a little annoyed with myself for becoming so anxious.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
angry
Was saying tonight - just been out for dinner - how angry I am that my arm is swollen. Am angry and upset, maybe the two emotions are the same. Was saying I could just take drugs and get "out of it"; have been so diligent and tried so hard to prevent lymphedema and now, although don't really know how bad it is, my arm is swollen and feels kinda uncomfortable.
The test will be - when I see The Lymph Lady tomorrow morning - if it is more swollen than it was on Monday. And if she thinks she can get it down, or whether this is it. This will impact on every second of my life, I said tonight.
The test will be - when I see The Lymph Lady tomorrow morning - if it is more swollen than it was on Monday. And if she thinks she can get it down, or whether this is it. This will impact on every second of my life, I said tonight.
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