Still feeling yucky

Left work a little earlier than normal today and it did make me feel a bit better, for a while, but generally feel adrift, bereft, as if the carpet has been taken away from under my feet (that cliche).
I cannot believe that the death of my father has made me feel like this. It was something I had expected at some time. He was 90 and I did not want him to live on and on and become decrepit. But I miss him terribly. Feel awful. Tearful. Was saying earlier: "He would be horrified at this reaction." Or would he? I just hope he knew how much I respected him. He knew I loved him. I am clinging on until I can take leave next week. Want weeks and weeks of sitting at home. Ok, I am being dramatic now. lol!

Out of kilter

Haven't exercised for a week. Not even yoga. Now for me that is extraordinary, totally out of the norm, and furthermore, 'cos I am under stress and grieving the loss of my dad, bloody pathetic. But I just cannot bring myself to go.
I intend going to yoga tomorrow night though. And am going to take a week off work, just to chill. Can't do that next week 'cos my boss is on leave so will be super duper busy, but plan to do it the week after. Want to do very little, and to tidy up here at home. Have extra leave at work now 'cos of long service, and reckon this is the time to take five days of it.
Then two weeks later have more leave and am flying to Livingstone in Zambia and then to Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe. The downside is that I have to have a yellow fever jab and take malaria tablets, but..... hopefully will be worth it.

Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe

Am very shaky again. I know exercise will help. Just need to get to gym. The therapist I saw said I wasn't depressed. Depressed was like a flat battery, he said. Well mine is a bit flat now.
"Charge it emotionally" said my one sister. She lives far away so I invited myself to my other sister for supper tonight and it did help. Will do that often, I reckon. Need sustenance. Need to feel ok. But also know it's ok to grieve. To feel a bit demented. Apart from today, been dressing to the nines, to make myself feel a bit better. And it does. And super conscious how easy it would be to eat and eat and to try to make myself feel better that way. Had a bit of a bad eating day yesterday but much much better today and back to normal again.Normal... maybe eating-wise, but not generally.