I don't wear tailored clothes. No shirts, no jackets, only t-shirts (often with lycra) and jerseys (jumpers). Today, however, I am wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt made of organic cotton. No stretch in it. It is quite a loose top. But there is no doubt, I realised in the course of the day, that it is slightly looser over the right arm and feels like it's pulling a little on the left arm, the side which is at high risk for lymphedema since I had radiation for breast cancer. So, although I thought my arm was fine - albeit sore quite a bit - it clearly is not ok. Well, not 100%. Seeing The Lymph Lady next week but she just phoned to change the appointment so it will be after my next herceptin treatment as opposed to before. And herceptin is not very good for swelling either. Oh well, just wanted to note this.
Met a girl at a launch tonight, young, say in her 30s at the most, and it turned out (from the person she was with, who knows me, asking me most pointedly how I was) and then this girl and I both discovering we had thyroid (although she takes 3X the dose of eltroxin I take) and what-what, that she had cancer three years ago. Lymphoma. Says she is fine now and sees the doctor once a year. Said she had chemo and radiation. Now my friend says... "Humph! She says she is fine? Ask her boyfriend. Bet she is not ok. Bet she has niggly side-effects that change her whole life." Ja, side effects. One gets used to them but they are there. Like I live with the threat of lymphedema all day and every day. And although I am a little tired now and would love to get into bed and just read, and then sleep, still have to do my manual lymph massage, my second of the day. But I am fine. It's just different.
All day long I've been thinking back to the time before cancer (a long time - almost 9yrs). Those were days before the niggly side-effects, back when I had real breasts. I miss those days sometimes.
ReplyDeleteYou're right: I am fine; I am very happy to still be here - it's just different.
Hope all goes well with LL next week!