Monday, August 24, 2009

cancer and therapy

When I got diagnosed, I walked out of the doctor's office and knew two things: I was going to go to therapy and I was going to write a blog.
With all the ups and downs of the diagnoses and the confusing treatment options presented - I had breast cancer but no primary tumour ie nothing in the breast itself but two cancerous lymph nodes - I didn't make it to therapy for a month. Think it might have taken even longer to start this blog. Cannot remember now. But know i battled on what to call it - now the hats are no longer relevant and think the name is a bit long but cest la vie.... decided I didn't really need therapy. But hesitant to throw up the lifeline completely, so therapist suggested I come twice a month instead of weekly. Fine with me. I am not depressed and when/if I do get miserable, it's usually for about an hour or so. Think I am handling things ok. Alright, so still not crazy about my job and getting fed up with being sick - well the cancer is gone but still having treatments (hormone tabs and herceptin) so getting sick of side-effects. And pain. Have pain from the radiation I had.
And in a way getting sick of this blog too. This journey, this experience with cancer is never ending. The cancer has gone but the tired of it, tired of the focus on it so finding I am more and more hesitant to write about the process cos want to forget about the cancer and just live, do other things. Plus, because I have had swelling problems from the radiation, start and end every day with about 30 minutes of manual lymph massage. So want time to do other things, things that aren't connected to cancer, that will allow me to think of other things.
Ja, ja, ja......

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