Wednesday, June 24, 2009

a new time

Realising that I am spending more and more time hassling about other things ie non-cancer related. What a relief. Not being confronted with the swings of chemo treatment where one week was the treatment, the next the immune-compromised time (and increasingly, the time I gathered more side-effects), and the next the surfacing time - or at least, that's how i remember it now - followed by the daily anguish of radiation where i was always so hassled i'd be late, i was always early; on day two of nothing, feeling kinda different. (Well, not quite nothing: had to see a doctor yesterday and have blood tests relating to a side-effect but it was hopefully a one-off).
Now I have time to look around me as hopefully i will become less self-obsessed. And now what i see is not always what i like. Close friends have stuck by but acquaintances/sometime-friends have not. They seem awkward around me. I need to dwell on that. Or should I even bother?
My social skills are also rusty. That I need to work on.
It's also kinda scary feeling better, feeling ok. Cos now I remember how brilliant I felt, how healthy and energised and happy I felt, around the time I was diagnosed. I felt so good I could not believe I had cancer. Five and a half months ago. Been a long time. Didn't realise it was so long ago. It's gone quickly. And now I am also minus a mother cos mine passed away three and a half months ago.
Sjoe....Lots to think about now.

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