One reason contributing to my feeling of insecurity is that I no longer know what I eat, or even like eating. For five weeks had this stomach hassle so severe I ate only carbs. Then when my blood count went low, was put on antibiotics which appears to have sorted that hassle out - although my tummy is not yet normal. But it did mean that last week had this renewed appetite and with it, a craving for chicken, perogen (a Jewish meat pie traditionally served in soup which I don't think I have ever eaten before)and, by the weekend, a renewed zest for cheese.
Then came Monday's chemo and its inevitable nausea and now I am back to eating simple, plain carbs, although maybe a little more than I ate before.
Been watching the food channel on TV while trying to deal with the chemo nausea and really, don't have a clue as to what I would like to eat or not, what I crave or not, although must say the French tarte tatin (upside-down apple pie) looked deliciously edible. Hoo boy.....
Getting kinda anxious re my eyebrows. They look somewhat thinned out to me, albeit messy cos not plucking them. My friend Lesley who had breast cancer 10 years ago says I am likely to loose them soon, but then her hair on her head fell out in one day and I still have stubble at the back and bits of fluffy regrowth amidst the bald bits. And The Tango Man, my doctor, says it's unlikely - or something to that effect - that I will lose my eyebrows. Meanwhile, I stare anxiously into the mirror whenever I pass one.
And tomorrow is pay day.