Someone close to me has been diagnosed with cancer and I feel a bit shellshocked. Not sure what I feel, which I suppose is not a good thing, but guess I will get there. Kinda suspected it for a few days and was upset so when the test results came today I feel numb.
It is all so fakking scary.
That person has to have an operation which is high risk so it is scary.
Otherwise have been plagued by numbers. Firstly, got confused as to which day was actually day 7 after treatment. If had chemo last Monday, then I had incorrectly calculated day 7 to be this Monday when in fact it was Sunday. So maybe was a good thing did not feel amazing and apart from a fairly lengthy visit to Pick n Pay, did not go out.
Secondly, miscalculated the number of hats I bought. Now this is really irrelevant but see I wrote I had bought 11, but in fact I bought 8. Then two more from Young Designers Emporium so have 10, not the 13 I thought.
Then am working out the number of chemo side-effects I have. Don't actually want to compile the list and don't think I will print it but it's at least a handful. Two at the moment are worrying (for me) but that is just being miff.
And don't really feel miff right now. Shellshocked, yes. In despair, no. Anxious, yes.
Incidentally in the past week have not done a single exercise. One restorative yoga pose once, and that's it. Planned to do the feet up at about 5am this morning when woke up for second time but was so damn cold, went back to bed visualising about five blankets being put on top of me so that I could fall asleep again.
Life is upside down but kinda getting used to these quiet nights.