Thursday, February 5, 2009

preparing for the fallout

I bought 10 hats on Saturday, and a wig and another hat on Wednesday. And this coming Saturday I am cropping my hair even shorter than it is now.
This is all part of being prepared because next week, from about Thursday, my hair is going to start falling out. All of it.
Think it will take about three days and then I will be bald. That's what happens when you have the red devil chemo I started this week, the first stage of my breast cancer treatment.
My hair will grow back but sitting here on my bed, feeling slighly nauseous and slightly yuch, I wonder when my feeling of well-being and health will come back. Reckon that's gone for quite a while. I hate being sick yet this is just the beginning of a long slog.
It all started on the day before Christmas, or perhaps October 27 last year when I had a routine mammogram and scan and it was all clear. Never gave it a second thought until that morning in the shower when I felt a distinct lump under my left armpit. Made an appointment with my GP that same day (wasn't sure if that part of my body counted as breast or not so decided to start there) but by the time I finished there, it was 4.45pm on Christmas Eve and not a doctor around to perform a scan. Then not a doctor around to do so for about another three weeks. Stopped panicking and decided against flying to another city as realised there wouldn't be a working doctor or surgeon there either.
Had a local anaesthetic biopsy on Tuesday January 13 and on Thursday at lunchtime phoned the doctor for my results. He told me over the phone it was abnormal cells. And that was the start of a rollercoaster ride - oh what a cliche - but really, the most topsy turvy three weeks of differing diagnosis and differing course of treatments until they converged and I started chemo this week. I have breast cancer which has spread to the lymph but cannot be seen in the breast, not even under an MRI scan. The rest of my body seems ok (been tested and tested and tested).
And if I read one more thing about how one must drink green tea to prevent cancer - it's my drink of choice every morning - and exercise to stay healthy - I was going to gym four times a week for over an hour a time - I will scream.
Yes, I am angry and yes, I am upset. But I need to calm down and continue to deal with this shit and this blog is gonna be one way of doing that.

No comments:

Post a Comment