Tuesday, February 10, 2009

is this a mouth ulcer i am feeling?

Moment of panic. It's day six since I had my first chemo treatment and I can feel the beginning of a mouth ulcer on the bottom right hand side of my mouth. That means my immune system is wearing down. And if it stays low, then they cannot do chemo - well, it gets delayed, and my getting better is delayed.

This mouth ulcer also means I cannot go out, cannot be among too many people and basically cannot go to Red Chamber for supper tonight, which I was scheming in my head. Cannot go out for a week. Maybe even longer. Dammit dammit dammit. No wonder I craved biltong this afternoon (actually ventured down to the dreaded canteen to get some, beef too, nogal, which I have not eaten for yonks, years probably.....).
Oh well. Now need to protect myself big time. Hate this.

Ag, maybe I am imagining the ulcer.

But just in case, I dash out the office within minutes, buy (only mild peri-peri, in case it burns my now dreadfully imagined diseased mouth) liver and giblets, and immediately upon arriving home, put on the stove to steam butternut and then sit down with my iron-rich meats accompanied by boiled beetroot and the butternut. A virtuous meal to prevent my immune system from conking in further. The plate of food looks so idyllic it's almost a joke with its bright orange and deep red veggies and brown healthy meats. Find it difficult to stomach the rich liver and giblets but store them in a tupperware. Maybe I'll stomach them tomorrow, I think, as I lie down on the couch, dressed too warmly (I suspect) for the slightly dropping temperature.

Oh gosh, my feet are bare. Pass a blanket please. And is that a sneeze I am hearing in the distance? Are you ill and in my company? Out damned spot, out!!!!!!

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