feeling better now

Been chatting to The Yoga Man and feeling much better. He said I am more dutiful than I realise and that I generally am quite obliging. So I no longer feel like I am a walking firecracker.

I am a bit fiery

I am not so happy with myself today. Kinda exploded earlier. I don't take instruction well. I don't take any instruction in fact. I like to do what I want to do. And unfortunately inefficiency drives me dilly. Be that as it may, I am ok now and I don't like to linger on things. But sitting here quietly has helped. It is in fact hours since I 'lost it' and it was only momentary anyway. And then an hour later, after I was sent an email saying my outburst was uncalled-for, I did apologise, also by email, not because I meant it but to keep the peace for the foreseable future.
Anyway, started my day at the oncology centre. Was so uptight about the visit, an unscheduled one, that when I arrived at work realised I had forgotten to wash the conditioner out of my hair which was now lined with this film of soapy solution. So stuck my head under the tap and walked into the office with soaking wet hair.....
I had had a pain below my collar bone since Tuesday. Was pretty sure it was just from gym cos it started on Tuesday a  fter I had been to gym and the firm lymph massage I get from The Lymph Lady2 later that morning made it hurt. But did I really know it was just that? And when I spoke to my biokineticist on Wednesday and went though the exercises I had done the day before, she didn't think that had caused it....
To be on the safe side, I went to the oncology centre this morning. I long ago gave up on phoning. All their staff who were there when I had treatment have left, with the one dying shortly after, and they don't know me and I don't know them. In fact, am grateful that this year didn't give them Christmas presents. Have fortunately spent so little time there that it didn't even enter my consciousness.
Anyway, I just pitched. I explained I was a patient of The Tango Man, and two nurses examined me right there in the reception area. Look, in the past when I have pitched with a problem, they have called The Tango Man but that was when they knew me. Mmm.. that is maybe worrying that I am not getting that attention.
They did offer to bring my appointment forward (going at end of February) but I declined. Both said it was muscular/ligaments. Nothing there, they said.
Relief. That would be an understatement.
I had decided that if the pain meant the cancer was in my bones, would have resigned from work, borrowed some money that I would get from my pension fund and go somewhere for a week at least before starting treatment.
Luckily I am fine. And in retrospect, resigning would have perhaps not been the right thing to do as work can keep one "normal" and sane.....
My arm is unfortunately not great. Hasn't stabilised. Was up 1 and a half cm in more places this week but down in others. Might wear the compression sleeve but tomorrow is a gym day and the thought of wearing it for gym.... either with my arm and sleeve exposed (it is a heatwave here) or gyming in long sleeves.....think I can manage another day without it.
Going to do lymph massage now. This constant routine, dedication, discipline, whatever.... can be a bit painful but damn better than wearing the sleeve all the time.

It's taken five weeks

Monday was five weeks since I stepped off a plane returning from Europe and that is how long it took for my arm to come back to normal. That is the problem of flying long distance with a limb at risk of/borderline lymphedema. And that is wearing a compression sleeve on the flight, for most of the trip, and much of the time since I have returned.
In contrast, my feet, which are not lymph-compromised, swelled for five days after my return. Last year I wore compression socks on my long-distance flights, and they didn't swell at all.
And admittedly, this year my arm swelling was worsened by the fact that I was ill and so unable to do lymph massage on arrival after my flights, both in Europe and here, and then again for weeks after the flights.
But still. Been awful. Always the fear it won't go down, the fear that I have lymphedema plus the damn irritation of wearing the sleeve, especially in a heat wave at the height of summer here, and so not being able to wear most of my clothes...
Be that as it may, I am super duper lucky. Love my arm for finally coming right. Now off to Lesotho for a few days, where it is likely to be even hotter than here and The Lymph Lady2, whom I have been seeing since The Lymph Lady has been away, plus recovering from an operation to first one and then the other of her arms and so cannot heal if she works now, says I must be careful of sitting in the sun. But then I always wear a hat and use sunblock which is permanently in my handbag (purse).
We are driving down to Lesotho tomorrow (I am flying back as have to be at work on Monday) and she said I should wear the sleeve for a car trip longer than four hours but have never heard of that and never had hassles before. Also been reading the The National Lymphedema Network  website for prevention tips and it doesn't mention anything re car trips.
But I will of course take my compression sleeve and, should my arm not feel ok, will consider wearing it.
So lazy today - guess the warm weather doesn't help that - but my friend is here from New York and that is not an everyday occurrence so gonna get outta my gym gear from this morning, get into the shower, get dressed and go off and meet her as the next time will be on Monday, the night before she leaves. (This sounds like I haven't been seeing her - have had a great time seeing her even though she is here because her elderly mom is ill.)
Happy festive season to you all!