Shaved off all my hair this morning. It was becoming truly ummanageable, falling out uncontrollably but strand by strand. Think it would have taken at least two more days to fall out, if not more, and by then I would have been swimming in hair. By the time I left home this morning, I had hair on my neck, hair on my back and....
Had scheduled an appointment with Carlos for 4pm but really thought I would probably postpone it for Monday or possibly even Tuesday. Then decided it was getting outta control so phoned him and made it earlier. Then fetched my friend Craig and we dashed off to the Standard Bank Gallery to see Johannes Phokela's exhibition before dashing back up to Athol Square and my beloved Carlos.
I grimaced as he shaved it off. But did not look too much. "Are you going to shave stripes?" asked the hairdresser next to him. "I wish," I said, "but I can't; it's all going to fall out anyway". Then Carlos washed it (my scalp really) to get the loose bits of hair off. Then he just touched it with a towel and I put my cap back on.
I think it looks revolting but I am kinda dealing with it. Bumped into David Tlale at Gallery Momo and the first thing he said to me is: "Did you cut your hair?" So ja, it is very noticeable. Monna from the gallery asked me if I was being serious when I told him I had cancer - he is not the first person to say this; I think people don't expect someone to be sick if they seem so well and are animated and so so. Dunno, cos why would someone lie/joke about having cancer?
Anyway, think it might be hard going around with without hair - even with a hat on it's obvious - but gonna find out different ways to tie scarves (wearing one now and it is super comfortable especially if it is silk, and keep echoing what Edwin Cameron said (see Thursday February 19's posting, even if it was in a different context): "Get over it!" So those of you who cannot handle it, and those who are semi or utterly avoiding me because I have cancer, or find it more difficult to deal with me than I do (the subject for another blog): "Fakking get over it!"
I live in Johannesburg, South Africa, where I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Thursday January 15 2009. This is my journey with cancer and other musings as surveyed - initially temporarily hairless - from under my hats.
Showing posts with label Edwin Cameron. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Edwin Cameron. Show all posts
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
the stigma, a la edwin cameron
If you ever have the chance to share a space with Edwin Cameron, grab it. A recently appointed constitutional court judge and awardwinning author (Witness to Aids, 2006 co-winner of the Sunday Times Alan Paton award for non-fiction, he was the main guest speaker of the Drama for Life 2009 launch at Wits University this evening.
And he gave me a wake-up call. Last night I was privately moaning about how humiliated I would feel walking around with no hair (hat or no hat), and then I heard Cameron speak tonight.
Tall, dignified in a black suit with sparklingly polished black shoes, thin and with the bony face of someone on anti-retrovirals, he provided the best drama of the night. Do you know anyone who had died of Aids? If so, put up your hand and let's salute them. Do you know anyone living with Aids now?" Once again almost everyone present raised their hand. "Let's salute them," he said.
Then he spoke about the biggest problem of Aids in South Africa being the stigma - the revulsion and self-hate that people feel about Aids. He spoke about how he too felt it, for years, working in human rights law and with other such lefties (he never used that word). Yet he never dared tell them of his status because of the stigma. He spoke about how he nearly died and then he went onto anti-retrovirals and for the past 11 years has been fine. He spoke about how Aids is a manageable disease once you get the dose right, more manageable than diabetes and high blood pressure which have to be constantly checked and the dose adjusted. And as he spoke I felt as if he were talking directly to me, me with the cap 'cos of the increasing yet slow hair loss who had spent the night before upset 'cos of how embarrassed I would be walking around obviously with no hair, how humiliated I would feel, how people would stare and pity me and I felt revitalised.
To use Cameron's words as he addressed the Drama for Life students from 10 African countries, saying how many of those places persecuted gays. Tell them to "get over it" he said.
Like I too must "get over it", get over this self-pitying phobia about my temporary hair loss.
http://www.sabcoha.org/bios/justice-edwin-cameron-2.html
http://www.constitutionalcourt.org.za/text/judges/current/justicecameron/1.html
http://www.witnesstoaids.com/
www.dramaforlife.co.za
And he gave me a wake-up call. Last night I was privately moaning about how humiliated I would feel walking around with no hair (hat or no hat), and then I heard Cameron speak tonight.
Tall, dignified in a black suit with sparklingly polished black shoes, thin and with the bony face of someone on anti-retrovirals, he provided the best drama of the night. Do you know anyone who had died of Aids? If so, put up your hand and let's salute them. Do you know anyone living with Aids now?" Once again almost everyone present raised their hand. "Let's salute them," he said.
Then he spoke about the biggest problem of Aids in South Africa being the stigma - the revulsion and self-hate that people feel about Aids. He spoke about how he too felt it, for years, working in human rights law and with other such lefties (he never used that word). Yet he never dared tell them of his status because of the stigma. He spoke about how he nearly died and then he went onto anti-retrovirals and for the past 11 years has been fine. He spoke about how Aids is a manageable disease once you get the dose right, more manageable than diabetes and high blood pressure which have to be constantly checked and the dose adjusted. And as he spoke I felt as if he were talking directly to me, me with the cap 'cos of the increasing yet slow hair loss who had spent the night before upset 'cos of how embarrassed I would be walking around obviously with no hair, how humiliated I would feel, how people would stare and pity me and I felt revitalised.
To use Cameron's words as he addressed the Drama for Life students from 10 African countries, saying how many of those places persecuted gays. Tell them to "get over it" he said.
Like I too must "get over it", get over this self-pitying phobia about my temporary hair loss.
http://www.sabcoha.org/bios/justice-edwin-cameron-2.html
http://www.constitutionalcourt.org.za/text/judges/current/justicecameron/1.html
http://www.witnesstoaids.com/
www.dramaforlife.co.za
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