Always hesitant to write anything either on facebook or twitter or this blog which might bring in a huge outpouring of emotion as a response. Am not looking for sympathy. But cannot deny that tomorrow a week is the day I go for all my tests to see if I am ok, to see if all the preventative stuff I have been taking is working. And I am feeling damn scared.
My preventative treatment has consisted of radiation - when I had it, my cancer had disappeared completely so it was purely preventative - then tamoxifen and herceptin.
Now my biggest side-effect - well the one that takes up the most time and energy is the swelling from the radiation, because it can block lymph glands and then you have a problem. Worst case scenario is full blown lymphedema and having to wear a compression sleeve.
At the moment my arm is up. Cannot tell if it's worse than last week or the same. Just hope it's just the same and that I don't have lymphedema which, after the thought of the cancer returning, is my worst health nightmare.
I have been doing manual lymph drainage massage twice a day (in the last month or so, some days only once) for more than a year... since the week I finished radiation.
Oh I do sound all woe is me...but feeling a bit apprehensive. Would be damn unlucky if all this hadn't worked.
Anyway, no more miserable feelings. Lots to do before then. Not least tonight's lymph massage....