Dressing up in pink just doesn't do it for me

Tomorrow is the annual breast cancer fundraiser breakfast. Well the one I go to. Not that I want to but I kinda feel embarrassed that I don't want to go, considering I had breast cancer last year. Went very reluctantly with my sister last year, and although she said I didn't have to go if I didn't want, hell, her friends would ask where I was - all knowing my history - and it just seems strange even to me that I am so anti it.
Firstly, have no idea what they raising money for. I have been told I am angry but regular mammograms don't stop you from having cancer; they just detect it. I found my lump below my armpit just under two months after having a mammogram and scan. Yes I know this is my usual story but the cancer had already spread to the lymph (two cancerous nodes). My oncologist said I would have had the cancer in my body for six to nine months..... can you just imagine if I had not felt that lump in the shower and acted on it, but had innocently pitched for my annual mammogram a year later? I shudder to think.
Anyway so not sure what they are raising money for. Mammograms for all? I dunno.
Then one has to wear something pink. What difference does that make? Ja it is the breast cancer colour but don't think that my wearing it tomorrow is going to make any difference.
Then on top of it the speaker is a doctor I saw twice before I started treatment and have huge problems with. Mother Earth, she thinks she is. Meanwhile, she has too many patients, rushes through her consultations (she did with my second one) and really, should not be pronouncing on cancer if she is not an oncologist, but a surgeon.
Oh well, had a similar rave last year.
In contrast, went to a party at 44 Stanley tonight, a fundraiser. The facebook page did not say what it was a fundraiser for which annoyed me (a friend alerted me to the event this afternoon). My friend did not know either. So when I arrived, I asked. One of the tenants here has cancer and this is to raise money for his treatment.
I didn't know who it was until someone told my friend with me tonight that has a brain tumour and more, so does his children (not sure if all or some or one), that nothing is working and the fundraiser was to raise money for pain killers so that he can die with fignity. He is stopping all treatment. I was glad I was at the fundraiser which was pretty enjoyable and mellow with live music plus had dinner at a very nice restaurant, Salvation Cafe, there.
Oh well sure the breakfast won't be too bad. And considering it is now 1am, guess I should get to bed.