ay ya ya.... measuring my arm

Been on a week's leave and back at work today. D-r-eadful. Was totally miserable all day but worked till 7.30pm cos took me so long to get through all the emails. Think I am now back in the groove though.
Anyway, been to Cape Town twice in the last two weeks. Once on a planned holiday, the other time when my dad got very ill very suddenly - he is fine now.
Saw The Lymph Lady today and it seems all the flying could have affected my arm. It has gone up 1/2cm in two places on my lower arm - the wrist and the middle of the forearm I think it is. This hasn't happened before. Usually it's my upper arm. The Lymph Lady says it's ok but fak, if it gets worse... will have to wait and see. In the interim, am seeing her every week for the next few weeks but that was pre-arranged anyway.
Funnily enough, I am ok about it. Plus gained a little weight on holiday - damn, damn,damn - which has also probably contributed to the increase in swelling. Damn, damn, damn. Gotta lose weight.
But she did also say that i was the first person she knew where the chemo had taken away the cancer completely - The Yoga Man says it's cos I didn't have a primary tumour and my cancers were 'byproducts' as it were (I don't agree, I don't think), and also that I can now progress to using 1kg weights at biokinetics, alternating with the 1/2kg weights. So that is good news.
Oh my gosh, what happened to the time? It's almost 11pm. Gonna read. Been reading a lot.

Talking vs not talking about it

I realised today while waiting to meet a work colleague here in cape town that i no dont like to talk about having had cancer to people who dont know. So when one person once said, "Oh, u have grown your hair back!" i left it and let him think i had shaved it off for fun. Then today this colleague asked if i had seen my mom before/when she died - we were having an intense conversation - and i explained i had been too sick. Then I thought, what the hell, and told her how i had been having chemo and my blood levels dropped and the oncology centre would not let me fly and then the next day when i booked my flight for the funeral the oncologist, a locum, said i was to wear a surgical mask on the flight and no one was to kiss or hug me. ........ Ja ja ja..... Now i am thinking of going to a support group meeting, Am going to find out when next they have one at the oncology centre. Think they are about three hours long, which is a bit much, but want to meet other women on herceptin and tamoxifen.

wonder how one stops worrying

People keep saying I look well - I suppose I look better than when I was on chemo but how do I know I am ok? When I got diagnosed, I felt better in all senses - physically and mentally - than I had for years yet I had breast cancer.
Now I don't feel as perfect as I felt then, thanks to side-effects from the medication I am on. The herceptin and tamoxifen combine to make me a little tired, well, pretty tired, especially stamina-wise, the herceptin makes me feel spacey at times and the tamoxifen gives me horrible hot flushes.
Would hate to have the cancer return. That's why I am taking herceptin and tamoxifen but they are not 100% foolproof.
My friend Tania's mom died of cancer on Friday but guess her circumstances were very different.
Would love to know how others feel on herceptin. I was told there were no side-effects until I started having them, The Lymph Lady told me about how most of her patients feel on it, and the oncology centre finally acknowledged that what I was feeling was legit and expected (except for the mouth ulcers which they claim is not from herceptin).