ay ya ya.... measuring my arm

Been on a week's leave and back at work today. D-r-eadful. Was totally miserable all day but worked till 7.30pm cos took me so long to get through all the emails. Think I am now back in the groove though.
Anyway, been to Cape Town twice in the last two weeks. Once on a planned holiday, the other time when my dad got very ill very suddenly - he is fine now.
Saw The Lymph Lady today and it seems all the flying could have affected my arm. It has gone up 1/2cm in two places on my lower arm - the wrist and the middle of the forearm I think it is. This hasn't happened before. Usually it's my upper arm. The Lymph Lady says it's ok but fak, if it gets worse... will have to wait and see. In the interim, am seeing her every week for the next few weeks but that was pre-arranged anyway.
Funnily enough, I am ok about it. Plus gained a little weight on holiday - damn, damn,damn - which has also probably contributed to the increase in swelling. Damn, damn, damn. Gotta lose weight.
But she did also say that i was the first person she knew where the chemo had taken away the cancer completely - The Yoga Man says it's cos I didn't have a primary tumour and my cancers were 'byproducts' as it were (I don't agree, I don't think), and also that I can now progress to using 1kg weights at biokinetics, alternating with the 1/2kg weights. So that is good news.
Oh my gosh, what happened to the time? It's almost 11pm. Gonna read. Been reading a lot.

no mammogram and scan after all

After making myself hysterical with fear - although woke up this morning and said: "Whatever happens I will deal with it" (does one have a choice, really?) - I did not have to have a mammogram or scan after all.
When The Tango Man had asked me when my last mammogram was, I said "October", forgetting that when I found the lump below my armpit on Christmas Eve last year, I then had a mammogram plus a scan in January (there were no doctors in town to do one before).
So when I went there today, was called in to my appointment and then told that it was too early. It either had to be a year since my last one and now was three months too early, or six months since I finished radiotherapy. Now no clue when I finished that but do know, cos I checked via this blog yesterday, that I finished chemo on April 14, that is, six months ago so it's a far shorter time since I had radiation.
The woman who was gonna do the mammogram said she had had breast cancer 23 years ago and had had a masetcomy. By the same surgeon I had seen but who had decided not to operate on me.
"Didn't you have surgery?' she must have asked me about three times. And I explained that I did not have a primary tumour.

cancer and therapy

When I got diagnosed, I walked out of the doctor's office and knew two things: I was going to go to therapy and I was going to write a blog.
With all the ups and downs of the diagnoses and the confusing treatment options presented - I had breast cancer but no primary tumour ie nothing in the breast itself but two cancerous lymph nodes - I didn't make it to therapy for a month. Think it might have taken even longer to start this blog. Cannot remember now. But know i battled on what to call it - now the hats are no longer relevant and think the name is a bit long but cest la vie....
Anyway...today decided I didn't really need therapy. But hesitant to throw up the lifeline completely, so therapist suggested I come twice a month instead of weekly. Fine with me. I am not depressed and when/if I do get miserable, it's usually for about an hour or so. Think I am handling things ok. Alright, so still not crazy about my job and getting fed up with being sick - well the cancer is gone but still having treatments (hormone tabs and herceptin) so getting sick of side-effects. And pain. Have pain from the radiation I had.
And in a way getting sick of this blog too. This journey, this experience with cancer is never ending. The cancer has gone but the treatments.....so tired of it, tired of the focus on it so finding I am more and more hesitant to write about the process cos want to forget about the cancer and just live, do other things. Plus, because I have had swelling problems from the radiation, start and end every day with about 30 minutes of manual lymph massage. So want time to do other things, things that aren't connected to cancer, that will allow me to think of other things.
Ja, ja, ja......

no primary tumour

Funny that. Posted messages on quite a few international sites/forums and not finding anyone else who has breast cancer but no primary tumour. Might blitz the local support groups tomorrow. The Tango Man said 18% of people fall into that bracket but not sure if he meant breast cancer or all cancers.....
So if you reading this and have breast cancer but no primary tumour, please contact me so I can find out about your treatment. Thanks.