Talking vs not talking about it

I realised today while waiting to meet a work colleague here in cape town that i no dont like to talk about having had cancer to people who dont know. So when one person once said, "Oh, u have grown your hair back!" i left it and let him think i had shaved it off for fun. Then today this colleague asked if i had seen my mom before/when she died - we were having an intense conversation - and i explained i had been too sick. Then I thought, what the hell, and told her how i had been having chemo and my blood levels dropped and the oncology centre would not let me fly and then the next day when i booked my flight for the funeral the oncologist, a locum, said i was to wear a surgical mask on the flight and no one was to kiss or hug me. ........ Ja ja ja..... Now i am thinking of going to a support group meeting, Am going to find out when next they have one at the oncology centre. Think they are about three hours long, which is a bit much, but want to meet other women on herceptin and tamoxifen.

something i never thought about

Got the expected double take on the escalator when I went to work today with a cap - but clearly no hair underneath (had it shaved off on Saturday after the chemo hair loss became an uncontrollable mess).

Was less expectant of having to explain the cancer all over again. Had one oke - and I mean "oke" - wiping his eyes after he innocently exlaimed "Oh, you cut your hair" and I blurted out the facts, a bit too harshly I realised and then called him over to chat more.

I am enjoying writing this blog, both for me and for other's reactions and to see the stats from where in the world people are logging into it, and obviously there are times it helps to talk about what I am feeling and experiencing (is there a difference between those two? I think so) but honestly, I cannot keep talking about when I knew, how it happened etc etc. That is why I mostly don't take calls from well-meaning people. It becomes and on-going, never-ending discussion which stops me from just getting on with things. There was a time when I had three phone calls before I even reached the office.

And just to think, tomorrow is the day more people start their work week as they work as Tuesday to Saturday shift; it might be even worse. Oh well. I am sure by the end of the week it will wear off. Oh and I don't blame people for wanting to know, but I do not wish to shock people as much as I did that guy at work today. I gotta be more gentle.