don't understand myself

My sister phoned and asked if I wanted to go to a talk on breast cancer one Sunday morning in June from 9.30am to 12. It's a fundraiser and someone she knows/knows of who has had breast cancer will talk. I said "yes" but the truth is I don't want to go. Will go because I feel I should, rather than want to. In truth, the thought of getting up early on a Sunday to do that... maybe if the talk was along the lines of the book I am reading www.amazon.com/Love-Medicine-Miracles-Self-Healing-Exceptional/dp/0060919833, about how to boost your own immune system and so heal yourself, but just about breast cancer.... dunno. I kinda feel removed from breast cancer. Yes I know I have it but I don't have anything which is obviously in the boob and as I have kept saying to people who said: "Are you going to have a lumpectomy (everyone's favourite word relating to breast cancer as it alleviates the need for a dreaded masectomy)?" - "NO! You cannot have a lumpectomy if you don't have a lump." The truth is not all lumps in the breast are suitable for lumpectomy anyway.

Oh well. Of course I will go to the talk but kinda wonder why I felt so averse to it. Feel better about it now that I have written about it.

the start of....

It is Sunday morning and the start of my immune-compromised week. Cannot deny that I am rather terrified as to what might happen to me. It covers days 7 to 14 from the day of chemo treatment and last time I got throat thrush and could not eat solids for just over a day and then only soft foods for a few days. The time before my blood counts went low and I felt dreadful and had to leave work and then go for blood test at night at hospital and then go on antibiotics and....
Essentially am not allowed to public places in this time... except for work and can go grocery shopping - just quickly.

But must say - thoroughly enjoyed the time of my weekend I could go out!

ended up an eventful saturday

After a really lazy day, banished from the birthday party cos of my compromised immune system, the action hotted up. The Yoga Man arrived back from the party with two friends in tow. As everyone had walked to the nearby party, I offered to drive the two back to their house. There The Yoga Man went to inspect the pool and, walking down these large steps into the garden below the house, decided to take a jump.
Well, he fell against something - too dark to see - and we ended up at Milpark Hospital where he had an anti-tetanus injection and stitches. And no, no idea how many as he did not ask, not having had stitches before and not realising that that is an essential bit of info one needs for post-incident discussion.
And of course, being prone to catching illnesses, I had to sit in the car rather than be a supportive friend and so listened to John Le Carre's Mission Song in my car.
So all in all, not such a quiet, reflective day after all.
Time for the yellow gunge in my mouth.

this is an unusual saturday morning

Cannot remember what I did on my other **immune compromised Saturday mornings, but this one feels strange. Ok, got up early to do feet up against the wall, the yoga cure-all which I have now been convinced will boost my immune system, and then did 20 minutes of my low-energy exercises. So a 40 minute start like that to the day was great and had the same effect gym used to have: being alone and just focusing on what I am doing. (Oh banned from gym for now cos the treatment I am having plus what I will be having can affect the heart; hence the biokineticist-designed low energy exercises.)
Now should be reading but am sitting on the couch writing this and then gonna play word games on facebook - lexulous, wordscraper and scrabble. Am appalling at all of them but enjoy it so much.
Had the yellow gunge in my mouth for the oral thrush so waiting a bit for it to enter all the crevices before I drink something (am damn thirsty) but really my mouth feels so much better this morning. Maybe it was the burny biryani last night that cured it all.
Now I just need to work on my sleeping patterns. Went to bed at about 11 and was up at .. oh gosh, now cannot remember but think it was 2-ish, 3-ish, 4 and then after 5.
But somehow it was not so hectic. Lots of dreams but did not wake up feeling wrecked. Getting used to this snatched sleep.

**cos of chemo, not allowed out to public places, except work, on days 7-14 after treatment