my arm is swollen

I don't wear tailored clothes. No shirts, no jackets, only t-shirts (often with lycra) and jerseys (jumpers). Today, however, I am wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt made of organic cotton. No stretch in it. It is quite a loose top. But there is no doubt, I realised in the course of the day, that it is slightly looser over the right arm and feels like it's pulling a little on the left arm, the side which is at high risk for lymphedema since I had radiation for breast cancer. So, although I thought my arm was fine - albeit sore quite a bit - it clearly is not ok. Well, not 100%. Seeing The Lymph Lady next week but she just phoned to change the appointment so it will be after my next herceptin treatment as opposed to before. And herceptin is not very good for swelling either. Oh well, just wanted to note this.
Met a girl at a launch tonight, young, say in her 30s at the most, and it turned out (from the person she was with, who knows me, asking me most pointedly how I was) and then this girl and I both discovering we had thyroid (although she takes 3X the dose of eltroxin I take) and what-what, that she had cancer three years ago. Lymphoma. Says she is fine now and sees the doctor once a year. Said she had chemo and radiation. Now my friend says... "Humph! She says she is fine? Ask her boyfriend. Bet she is not ok. Bet she has niggly side-effects that change her whole life." Ja, side effects. One gets used to them but they are there. Like I live with the threat of lymphedema all day and every day. And although I am a little tired now and would love to get into bed and just read, and then sleep, still have to do my manual lymph massage, my second of the day. But I am fine. It's just different.

the latest on my arm

Spoke to The Lymph Lady today - well, by text on the cellphone - and she advised me to sit tight with my arm. I told her it had been swelling and today is a week since my return from overseas, with its 10-hour flight from Paris to Joburg. My arm had been fine on the day of my return, when I had seen her, swollen in the middle of the upper arm when I saw her again on Tuesday, and been feeling awful ever since: slightly sore and definately swollen although it was been worse.

She told me not to wear a compression sleeve and that it could take a few days for it to settle down (post the flight).

my arm

showed my sister my arm tonight. ja, it is definately swollen on the muscle below the elbow on the top of the lower arm.
Mmmm.. damnit.
But at least no pain.

i know people mean well but.....

I get damn annoyed, inside me, when people say: "Oh, you are sooooo brave". I know they mean well but actually, what do they mean? I try to look stony faced but probably just glare and mumble something about being fine. But really,what do they mean? Where have I been brave? Am i brave by being at the same dinner party with them, by not being home and sulking? Dunno what they mean.
All I have done is been on this journey because I have no choice.
And the truth is that the situation I am in now is one of the worst I have been in. My fingers are no longer stiff and sore; but my upper arm above the elbow towards the back is distinctly swollen. On Tuesday I see the lymph expert again but this is what radiation has done to me. I can pray it's just temporary; else it's lymphoedema and a chronic problem that won't go away. And I thought, from the reading I had done, that it mainly happened to those who had surgery with lymph node removal and then radiation. I had no surgery, kinda plain-sailed through chemo and radiation and now have this. Started when radiation finished. Well between the second last and last treatment.
Horrifying.
Was also horrified today to hear of someone who was on this hormone treatment, which i think i have to go on too but not sure, and felt so nauseous that half way through they gave up. Ok the person concerned is 83 and i am not but still, doesn't sound too good, does it? Oh well on Monday see two oncologists, the main one plus the radiation one so will find out more then.
But damn lymphoedema and damn swelling. Go away; i don't want you.