shivering in the office

Feel kinda dressed for the north pole - ok, wearing sandals but my skirt is long, and wearing a thin corduroy jackets (a new purchase from the hypermarkat at the grand price of R199!) and a thick winter scarf, and shivering.

Oh, and of course, a hat is de rigeur (is that the correct term?). Today it is a grey tweedy winter weight one.

Going to have to start dressing even warmer.

Being cold is yet another chemo side-effect. Probably not helped by a super-cold airconditioning - well, an aircon which varies depending on where u sit.

a bit shellshocked

Someone close to me has been diagnosed with cancer and I feel a bit shellshocked. Not sure what I feel, which I suppose is not a good thing, but guess I will get there. Kinda suspected it for a few days and was upset so when the test results came today I feel numb.

It is all so fakking scary.

That person has to have an operation which is high risk so it is scary.

Otherwise have been plagued by numbers. Firstly, got confused as to which day was actually day 7 after treatment. If had chemo last Monday, then I had incorrectly calculated day 7 to be this Monday when in fact it was Sunday. So maybe was a good thing did not feel amazing and apart from a fairly lengthy visit to Pick n Pay, did not go out.

Secondly, miscalculated the number of hats I bought. Now this is really irrelevant but see I wrote I had bought 11, but in fact I bought 8. Then two more from Young Designers Emporium so have 10, not the 13 I thought.

Then am working out the number of chemo side-effects I have. Don't actually want to compile the list and don't think I will print it but it's at least a handful. Two at the moment are worrying (for me) but that is just being miff.

And don't really feel miff right now. Shellshocked, yes. In despair, no. Anxious, yes.

Incidentally in the past week have not done a single exercise. One restorative yoga pose once, and that's it. Planned to do the feet up at about 5am this morning when woke up for second time but was so damn cold, went back to bed visualising about five blankets being put on top of me so that I could fall asleep again.

Life is upside down but kinda getting used to these quiet nights.

what it can also mean to 'go for chemo'

Going for chemo (see my previous posting) can also mean that u start feeling sick. I feel bloody awful right now, nauseous but not getting sick. Don't want to eat but then ate so much this afternoon from the chemo they gave me with the chemo, also intravenously, that have no desire. Plus now feel sick.
The trouble is that the only anti-nausea pills i can take now must be taken half an hour before eating, and I cannot eat now.
Oh well. Sipping water and tea.