I live in Johannesburg, South Africa, where I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Thursday January 15 2009. This is my journey with cancer and other musings as surveyed - initially temporarily hairless - from under my hats.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I have to admit this
Realised something while driving home from the symphony concert tonight, I have been so busy that have hardly thought about the compression sleeve, Over the weekend, well, for weeks now, have been traumatised about wearing the sleeve, Now have done so much while wearing it - work all day, go to functions, art exhibitions, symphony concerts, parties.... And it hasn't mattered a damn. Admittedly now so convinced my arm is fine, that am completely nonchalant about it all. And not unrelated that feel so much better - nose not so blocked, am less congested, Love feeling better. Guess everyone does,
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Cannot believe I am saying this but.....
From the beginning, that is, when I got diagnosed with cancer, I always thought it was bullshit when people said they learnt something from having cancer. I resented the fact that one could gain something from such an ordeal. Now although I would much rather never have had this dreadful disease which in many ways has fakked up ny life, can honestly say I have learnt something from it, Well, gained something from it, I have gained personal insight: always thought I was a misery; now I know I am not. And, on a lighter note, I have learnt I am a brat. Breezed into the orthopaedics place today to buy a glove to assist with putting on the compression sleeve, but made damn sure that I announced I didn't have lymphedema and this was just temporary.... Who the hell do I think I am? I am wearing a sleeve, right, so clearly there is a problem, right? Bloody brat, I thought, as I drove back to the office. Must say am much much happier now though that it seems my arm might be settling down, Bizarre: the same set of circumstances ie wearing a compression sleeve but I am no longer unhappy although the itchiness has been driving me crazy. Now I just yank it off at 10pm. So now, at 10.50pm, it is easy to be nonchalant about the compression sleeve. Lol!!!
Monday, August 23, 2010
good news
Am so relieved. My arm is back to normal. That does not mean, however, that I no longer need to wear the compression sleeve. I do. But only until my arm stabilises.
So now I need to pray that it will stay down next week.
It's funny. Funny strange, not funny ha-ha. I had started to develop this habit of pulling down my t-shirt sleeve (long-sleeved t-shirt despite the increasingly hot weather as we approach summer here in South Africa) so that nobody could see the part of the compression sleeve which covers my hand.
Now, because I know there is now a good chance that my arm will stabilise and I won't have to wear this compression sleeve permanently, I no longer mind who sees it for after all, it is just a precautionary, temporary measure. Suddenly I feel lighter in step, things seem better all around... disgraceful that a few millimetres on my arm can do that. But the implications of having lymphedema are too ghastly to contemplate.
It is not just the swelling. It is the infections that can come with disfunctional lymph. Ok, I do have disfunctional lymph, following radiotherapy for breast cancer in the lymph, but if my arm is not swollen, if I don't have to wear a compression sleeve and can wear my normal clothes - that is, short sleeves and sleeveless tops and dresses - and just have to do manual lymph drainage massage twice a day, it's ok. And yes, I do find the massage pretty time-consuming, but it is a billion times better than wearing the sleeve which is not only unsightly, but affects what I can wear and is damn itchy.
The Lymph Lady said she thinks the compression garments absorb moisture from the skin (clearly others find it itchy too). I said I thought it was cos I have dry skin from having thyroid problems. I am covered from head to toe in creams: a multitude on my face, special diabetic cream on my feet (don't have diabetes but it was recommended by a podiatrist cos my feet are so dry although don't have yucky heels cos have regular pedicures), and an endless array of creams on my body - E45 on my neck where it is still itchy sometimes from the radiation treatment, thicky Nivea almond cream where I had radiation cos it's close to normal pH value means bacteria cannot thrive so I cannot get an infection and so it helps prevents lymphedema (lympedema can both cause infection and by caused by it), as well as aqueous cream on the rest of my body and Clarins hand cream.
Oh, it is just too wonderful to think I might not need to wear a compression sleeve. And so, having to get up early to drive to Northcliff to get a special glove to assist with putting on the sleeve is nothing, a minor irritation. The sleeve was digging into my upper arm cos my arms are short and it was reaching to under my armpit, and so this glove helps move it down.
So now I need to pray that it will stay down next week.
It's funny. Funny strange, not funny ha-ha. I had started to develop this habit of pulling down my t-shirt sleeve (long-sleeved t-shirt despite the increasingly hot weather as we approach summer here in South Africa) so that nobody could see the part of the compression sleeve which covers my hand.
Now, because I know there is now a good chance that my arm will stabilise and I won't have to wear this compression sleeve permanently, I no longer mind who sees it for after all, it is just a precautionary, temporary measure. Suddenly I feel lighter in step, things seem better all around... disgraceful that a few millimetres on my arm can do that. But the implications of having lymphedema are too ghastly to contemplate.
It is not just the swelling. It is the infections that can come with disfunctional lymph. Ok, I do have disfunctional lymph, following radiotherapy for breast cancer in the lymph, but if my arm is not swollen, if I don't have to wear a compression sleeve and can wear my normal clothes - that is, short sleeves and sleeveless tops and dresses - and just have to do manual lymph drainage massage twice a day, it's ok. And yes, I do find the massage pretty time-consuming, but it is a billion times better than wearing the sleeve which is not only unsightly, but affects what I can wear and is damn itchy.
The Lymph Lady said she thinks the compression garments absorb moisture from the skin (clearly others find it itchy too). I said I thought it was cos I have dry skin from having thyroid problems. I am covered from head to toe in creams: a multitude on my face, special diabetic cream on my feet (don't have diabetes but it was recommended by a podiatrist cos my feet are so dry although don't have yucky heels cos have regular pedicures), and an endless array of creams on my body - E45 on my neck where it is still itchy sometimes from the radiation treatment, thicky Nivea almond cream where I had radiation cos it's close to normal pH value means bacteria cannot thrive so I cannot get an infection and so it helps prevents lymphedema (lympedema can both cause infection and by caused by it), as well as aqueous cream on the rest of my body and Clarins hand cream.
Oh, it is just too wonderful to think I might not need to wear a compression sleeve. And so, having to get up early to drive to Northcliff to get a special glove to assist with putting on the sleeve is nothing, a minor irritation. The sleeve was digging into my upper arm cos my arms are short and it was reaching to under my armpit, and so this glove helps move it down.
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