Was eating my pasta lunch - a touch of garlic and one tomato sauce and a little mayo, so effectively plain - when suddenly I realised it hurt when I swallowed the food.
Stopped eating and phoned the oncology centre: it's either ulcers or thrush. Luckily not sore if I swallow generally, only if I swallow food. Was told to take my temperature and if it's high, to contact them or my GP for antibiotics.
My temp is fine. (Carry my thermometer in my bag).
Now using that yellow gunge all the time - but this time swallowing it.
Tried some pasta again but it did not work. That is, it hurt even more.
Going to buy some chicken soup for supper. Hope that goes down ok.
Oh and re my nails. Asked the oncology sister if my nail looks like it could split in half, could it happen? Oh yes, she said. And worse still, there is nothing I can do to prevent it.
Ironically, feeling ok. Not nauseous or dizzy or anything. Just gotta get this yellow gunge to work, the throat pain to disappear and my nails to behave.
I live in Johannesburg, South Africa, where I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Thursday January 15 2009. This is my journey with cancer and other musings as surveyed - initially temporarily hairless - from under my hats.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
A tally after third chemo treatment for breast cancer
Today is exactly one week after my third chemo treatment for breast cancer. I still don't know how many more chemo treatments I still have to go through but as far as I know it is either one or three more. Neither do I know which treatment follows this chemo or whether or not I need an operation, or the nature of the op should it be needed, and quite frankly my doctor The Tango Man has not determined it yet. Think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't have a primary tumour, in fact, no tumour can be seen in the breasts itself even with MRI testing, but the cancer has spread to two lymph nodes below my left armpit.
Thought it might be useful to do a tally of where I stand right now:
* Not feeling great today but not shit either.
* Have not had to take any anti-nausea medication today
* Have not taken diarrhea medication for about 10 days but went to the toilet three times today so not ideal
* No longer have cramps but carry the medication around just in case
* Have lost almost all my hair but there is fluffy regrowth on top which I have told 'peers' through a silk scarf (which I wear only when with close friends indoors, the rest of the time it is hats)
* Have lost most of my body hair but not all; shaved under my arms about a month ago and have not needed to again, the same with my legs, and the latest is my dwindling eyebrows for which my latest acquisition is a R210 Clarins eyebrow pencil which I think I prefer to the R400 pencil I bought which adds hair
* Have sore hands and arms below the elbow - apparently the veins are burnt by the chemo - and rub retrogel on twice a day and scream dramatically if anyone touches my hands or lower arms
* Have a mouth ulcer which keeps moving its spot and am overdosing on the pretty yucky yellow emulsion which treats it
* Am tired if overexert myself, eg, visit five shops in a row in different areas on a Saturday morning - then need to sleep for hours
* Did not eat properly for about five weeks and lost weight, now have not stopped eating for two weeks and have gained weight - overall, no longer have any idea what I like eating or do actually eat
* Have some muscles else would not be able to sit and/or walk but essentially have no mucle tone - my thighs are jelly, my upper arms a mess, my neck is losing its elasticity, even my back is softer as there is no/little underlying muscle and generally I am on a quick pathway to instant ageing.
Next time someone asks how I am, feel tempted to say: "Considering I am on a programme of systematic poisoning, not doing too badly and bearing up, thank you!"
* My nails have developed ridges and my cuticles are a mess
*
Thought it might be useful to do a tally of where I stand right now:
* Not feeling great today but not shit either.
* Have not had to take any anti-nausea medication today
* Have not taken diarrhea medication for about 10 days but went to the toilet three times today so not ideal
* No longer have cramps but carry the medication around just in case
* Have lost almost all my hair but there is fluffy regrowth on top which I have told 'peers' through a silk scarf (which I wear only when with close friends indoors, the rest of the time it is hats)
* Have lost most of my body hair but not all; shaved under my arms about a month ago and have not needed to again, the same with my legs, and the latest is my dwindling eyebrows for which my latest acquisition is a R210 Clarins eyebrow pencil which I think I prefer to the R400 pencil I bought which adds hair
* Have sore hands and arms below the elbow - apparently the veins are burnt by the chemo - and rub retrogel on twice a day and scream dramatically if anyone touches my hands or lower arms
* Have a mouth ulcer which keeps moving its spot and am overdosing on the pretty yucky yellow emulsion which treats it
* Am tired if overexert myself, eg, visit five shops in a row in different areas on a Saturday morning - then need to sleep for hours
* Did not eat properly for about five weeks and lost weight, now have not stopped eating for two weeks and have gained weight - overall, no longer have any idea what I like eating or do actually eat
* Have some muscles else would not be able to sit and/or walk but essentially have no mucle tone - my thighs are jelly, my upper arms a mess, my neck is losing its elasticity, even my back is softer as there is no/little underlying muscle and generally I am on a quick pathway to instant ageing.
Next time someone asks how I am, feel tempted to say: "Considering I am on a programme of systematic poisoning, not doing too badly and bearing up, thank you!"
* My nails have developed ridges and my cuticles are a mess
*
Sunday, March 29, 2009
the hassle of wearing hats
Wearing hats has become such a nuisance. It makes getting dressed such an issue as have to work out my outfit around my headgear. Just had a quick thought: what am i gonna wear to work tomorrow and, oh, dear, which hat? But think I know what am going to wear. When my mom died two weeks ago, we found she had a cute little blue material hat. It was for the rain, said my sister. So going to wear that with my blue skirt.Took quite a few of my mom's clothes. My aunt popped in during one of our sessions of going through her possessions - my dad had requested we do it as soon as possible - and said if we did not take things, we would be sorry. Ironically my mom had taken one of my tshirts which she loved, a bright multi-coloured one, on my last visit to Cape Town. Now it's back with me again. Also took some jerseys and some t-shirts, some of the latter the same organic cotton ones from Woolworths which I have.
Makes me feel sick to speak of my "late mom". Makes it a reality which until I speak like this I can pretend is not real.
Makes me feel sick to speak of my "late mom". Makes it a reality which until I speak like this I can pretend is not real.
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