Waiting for ultrasound

So far it seems Ok. The Tango Man says he doesn't think it is anything to worry about, thinks it's fibrous tissue, and says I will have more of this sort of thing cos I have lost weight. 3kg on his scale but have not eaten lunch.
Anyway, says I need an ultrasound but not urgent. At my convenience, he said. This week? I asked. Yes.
Anyway the nurses said they would organise it for me straight away, so now at the clinic about a 2 minute drive away. Have told work gone for tests and probably won't be back today.
Felt horribly nervous and ill shortly before seeing The Tango Man. Feeling better now. The nurses said if it was urgent he would have phoned from his room for an urgent scan appointment and they wouldn't have been able to leave today till I came back with the results. So they're pretty confident and I love The Tango Man. And The Yoga Man,who had said it felt like fibrous tissue.

Am I unnaturally calm?

The manual lymph drainage massage I have to do involves touching various parts of my body, from the lymph nodes on my neck to those in the armpit. Yesterday I felt this kind of thickening at the bottom of my left breast, the same side where I had cancer in the adjacent lymph nodes.
Today it was still there.
Now I happened to have an appointment with The Thyroid Doctor, whom I adore, and I told him about it. (I found it kind of amusing and interesting that he asked me how I was dealing with the problem I had had last January. "Oh, the cancer!" I said.) Anyway, he examined me and said it was "something" but nothing serious, or something like that, and that if it was a lump he would have sent me for an immediate biopsy.
Then later this morning I happened to have an appointment with The Lymph Lady (and incidentally, my arm is fine, thank goodness. I told her: if I have to wear a compression sleeve, I might wear it for one week then I am going to wear it one day on, and one day off, which is about the most daring I have ever been re treatment, but luckily did not even have to contemplate that, although she does want to see me next week again.)
Anyway, she felt it and said she didn't think it was anything serious but I should get it checked out.
Now I had tried to phone the oncology centre earlier but had not got through to the treatment room, where the nurses are (who are the first port of call, as one cannot ask to speak to the doctors.) Well, after The Lymph Lady, I just drove to the oncology centre. There Joyce, the most experienced nurse, examined me and said I wasn't imagining anything, there was something and that she could even feel it when I was sitting rather than lying down, which is usually the easier way to feel anything. But there were no doctors there today. I did not ask why.
And so that is a very long-winded way of saying I am seeing The Tango Man tomorrow, have an appointment at 2.15 and despite spending some time reading the American Cancer Association site for some answers as to how one identifies cancer in the breast, I feel calm. I finished the preventative treatment herceptin about two months ago, maybe three, and well, I don't know really. I hope and pray I am ok, but I feel I am ok. And I will say what I always say: whatever happens, I will deal with it.

my chemo-curls

As I was told - or did I read it - my hair came out curly after it grew out post-chemo. Super curly. And I am loving it.
Recently Carlos, my hairdresser and friend, chopped off the back and am now growing the top bits to my neck so that he can cut it in a style. In the interim, I have bought a pretty vast assortment of alice bands- from a thin gold-coloured band to a pink and white floral one and a black beaded one with a diamante clasp - and wearing it back every day. Carlos also says I have the option of jelling the sides back.
Anyway, tonight I was at an art exhibition at David Krut and this work associate comes up to me and says, while in polite conversation, "Oh, your hair is so curly; is it natural?" (I used to have short cropped hair and so find many people don't recognise me. She did but was astounded, others don't.)
Anyway, I hesitated for a second before answering "Yes". The fact is while one part of me is proud of having recovered so well from having had cancer, and that people cannot believe I was sick; another part of me is ashamed. I don't want people to know. It's part of why I don't want to wear a compression sleeve; it's like walking around with a badge saying "I had cancer".
So I answered this woman saying: "yes" (it's natural).
And I suppose it is. My hair is now naturally curly, even if it wasn't always like this.